guilty sleep.

Honestly! I wish I didnt feel guilty when I decide to not do certain things- I mean, come on! I made the decision, deal with it!
Silly mind.

I'm not feeling well. Not well at all. Its kinda silly too. I dont have very defined symptoms besides, "every bone in my body wants to fall off" and "my throat is thirsty all the time"

I dont feel like those should be reasons for me to just STOP life, but basically I laid on the couch for six hours after work yesterday, only to get up to re-fill my water bottle and pee....oh, and i did get up at one point and dusted the entire living areas of our house and do basic "clean up"...because, "dog gone it, I'd said I was going to clean house today and no stupid aching was going to stop me!" In truth I felt horrible and I still do, after sleeping 12 hours last night.
Yet, even with all that I feel guilty, I feel guilty that I havent cleaned the whole apartment, that I havent emailed people back that I know I need to, that I havent finished Bible Study for tonight, that I didnt get up with Brett this morning at 4:30.
meh.

time will tell

So, its been a few days since my last post and I suppose in some ways there is a lot I could write about...like the fabulous day trip Brett and I took on Saturday ( which you can see pictures of here) that was absolutely a gift from God. Yup, that's right sometimes you think that days are so perfect that you just know that some how God was looking down and making sure nothing messed it up, and that all the right things crossed your path ( like the Little Caesars Pizza which fell directly into our laps on the way home...) or the Sunday we spent writing thank you notes....or yesterday when I made stir fried fresh veggies ( because I couldnt remember the last time we'd eaten any veggies and i felt like a bad person) and we watched Mostly Martha...

But, mostly, things have been so delightfully common place. And I say delightfully because I'm just glad Brett is at home.

thanks for...

beautiful friends...Katie, Thida, Lydia ( Louise and Amy-I missed calls from BOTH of them. But, hopefully talk to them soon too!) and their beautiful lives which I am blessed to be a part of, even from afar.

Cool surprises...Wes coming by and visiting me at work:



ANNNNND...Brett got to come home early! YAY!!! With roses. AW!!!

thursday. one. more. day.

So, yesterday, I had lunch with Michelle ( my Locoste friend that gave me her number) at this ADORABLE french restaurant down by the Sound in Steilacoom. it was a beautiful day, sunny ( not warm) and the water positively sparkled. And I ate Creme Brulee because, the restaurant was name La Creme Brulee so I figured it was a good bet. It was.
It was also interesting to learn about a new person, Michelle's husband is coming back from Iraq this week...they have never actually lived together even though they've been married for over a year...that's the army for you!

I also got a pedicure yesterday, it was kinda expensive and not really the best experience ever-but, hey, there is only one way to find out about these places, right? And at least my toes are really pretty now. ;-)

I am looking forward to some phone dates today, as much as I've enjoyed the past few days of new friends-no one can replace the ones I already have! I miss you guys! :-)

above.

So, I drove into Seattle last night, turned a corner and there I was-in the middle of the "student ghetto". ( where University of Washington and Southern Pacific University collide). It was SO MUCH like Dunedin ( down to the weather, the hills, the random ethnic food stalls pressed up against clothing stores and coffee shops) with the young people everywhere that I felt this odd since of loneliness and homesickness all at once. It was hard to explain at the time, but it was if I realized I was no longer part of that type of society. Everyone there was in some cool club that I couldnt join....a club where all you really worry about is making it to class and possibly going to some part time job that really just bankrolls your fun....

At the same time I didnt really want to join. I do not envy anyone new having to come into that enviroment of Washington University and deciding where they fit in all the...heathen-ness ( that's the best way to discribe it). I was reminded of the newness of arriving in Dunedin and being shocked and excited all at the same time, possibilites and pitfalls all in the same place....

But, before I could really hyperventilate for all the nostaligic stress, I found a vintage clothing store that BLEW MY MIND!!! I bought two fantastic sweaters ( one a sweater dress) and an adorable shirt....all name brands and in perfect condition for low low prices ( I wont even tell you how much I paid, you'll be too jealous). And then it was time to meet my new friend Brittany.
We ate at this Mongolian grill, where you pick all these fresh veggies/meats/noodles and sauces through a buffet type line and then give it to the grill guy and he grills it all up for you! Genius!
So, my blind date with Brittany went really well, I liked her immediately and we hit it off on all types of topics. I am now just pondering how best I can be a friend to her in this coming year. She is working as a missionary with the students on the University campus and I live about an hour ( in good traffic) away from her. But, after talking to her I know that catching up with her will definitely be a benefitual thing. We are in "technically" very different situations, and yet also very similar struggles and I enjoyed giving her a few peptalks regarding the getting started and not doubting ones place and purpose in such a new and different enviroment....and even as I talked, I realized the pep talk was just as much for me as it was for her.

So, as I headed home from Seattle, passing the glowing sky line of Seattle's downtown, I was struck that I'd been given my answer. My time away from Brett will never be without things to do-because I'm just as special to God as an individual as I am as a couple...sure, that seems simple, but it was if I forgot that fact. That my purpose was somehow stripped because he was gone-but, let me tell you, there are things-like sitting and talking for hours with another girl that Brett, bless him, would neither enjoy or benefit....and yet, I know that is part of my life that I will never give up. There will always be girls that I need to have bosom chats with, girls to laugh and help and love and cry with....I havent met all these girls yet, and some I am just getting to that point of 'depth' with, and yet it was confirmed that its something I love doing. It was interesting something that Brittany said last night, in almost a surprised voice,

Even though I am working as a missionary, where I am purposefully trying to build relationships with people and figure out where I can fit into peoples lives and help them towards Christ. That isn't different from what you are doing at all!


Yes, indeed. And if I can show Brittany ( and myself) that we are ALL called to a mission field of type and that it is truly our purpose and calling every single day-whether we get our funds for living from a coffee shop job or from a church pay check-we all have the same job. And last night it was confirmed, once again, that God has not completely taken away my ability to have meaningful relationships with girls-just because I'm surrounded by boys all day.
Whew.

...

my mindseye

Last night I dreamed I was in high school but had some how forgotten, and therefore I was failing calculus because I hadnt been to class in weeks...this has been a reaccuring dream of late. Its like, dreams are going along just fine and then someone reminds me, 'hey, arent you in calculus right now?!" And then I remember that I totally forgot.
Weird. It's been Six years since I graduated high school.

In other news, the dishwashing soap at work is the exact same soap we had in the house tutor lounge at Carrington....it brings back in a great rush of memories all my time living at Carrington every time I smell it. Ahhhhhh! College. Its been three years since I graduated. Time flies.


In other news, pictures of the guest room. Makes you want to come and stay doesn t it? ( Notice Brett's army stuff on the bed, that's because this room doubles as his "extra closet" and houses army stuff galore...)
Sorry the before picture is blurry...I wasnt really in the state of mind at the time to make sure the picture was clear. Ah well, you get the idea, right? ;-)

days and nights and pictures

So, it seems I'm going to have to actually DECIDE what I'm going to do with my days...I've got actual options! Which is pretty crazy, but...the nights. Tonight's kinda sad.

Anyway, did I mention I'm having dinner with Sarah's friend Brittany tomorrow evening ( in Seattle. woo traffic. ) ?! ( Sarah is Brett's friend from College...Brittany is my new blind date friend). We some how made it through a possible akward conversation with some good humor and talk of Mangolian food. Like her already. So, that's tomorrow.

And speaking of dinner here are pictures of our dining room....

big girls dont cry...

So, Brett left this morning for five days. I am really praying that I have some sort of revelation while he's gone into just HOW I am suppose to see these times when he is away?!
"needless suffering" is currently not cutting it. ;-)

This week was really interesting, on Saturday we headed north ( about 2.5 hours) to a wedding of an old friend, Grace Damoff...and when I say "old" , I mean, we havent really hung out since we were about 4....but the wedding was really AMAZING....and I'll go into details sometime soon, but lets just say, breathtaking views, amazing food, fun company. We had a good time. And it reminded me that we really need to force ourselves to get out of the house on the weekends. I mean, its difficult since mostly you just want to sleep when you have free time-but where are the memories there?!

Anyway, yesterday I was suffering from the after affects of a migrane and spent the day on the couch. Luckily, it seemed we had weather to correspond with whatever plans we had: Saturday=beautiful Sunny skies, warm. Sunday=rainy, cold...But, it ended up being a nice day with Brett lazing around... So I suppose it all worked out.

However, today, its rainy and cold again ( apparently the high is 63) so I'm trying to be inspired to DO something...Speaking of doing something: I am scheduled to celebrate Brett and my one year anniversary of being together ( which is on Thursday for those who are interested) with a few hours of R&R....it actually worked out perfectly! Because i just randomly called this Spa that I had seen in Tacoma- a pink house situated high up on a hill....and made an appointment for a pedicure on Wednesday afternoon-knowing full well that I would probably have to cancel because I usually work on Wednesday afternoons. BUT, I look at the schedule for this week and guess what day I have off this week?! Wednesday!!! So, once again, I celebrate a milestone in our relationship alone....One month, the two month...the one year....all of them, the army has needed my husband's presence. Blah.

YAY! *and more pictures

So, last night, God answered my prayer in finding my photo/computer adapter thingy....our friend Chuck asked me for a bandaid. So I went and got him the box of bandaids out of our first aid bin ( and for any one from Uni remembers my Resident Assistant days...its huge) and brought it out to him...and low and behold I opened the box to find, not only bandaids...but my photo stick. yeah. long story.
But that's where it was. hahahaha!!

Anyway...

Here are more before and after pictures of the apartment.

The living room...
( you can guess which are befores...and which are afters...)

The new kind of dating..

You would think that once you are married the horriblness that is dating would be totally over. No more would you have to stress over first dates ( what will we talk about? What should I wear? What will they think of me?), or when to call someone....

But, low and behold, while I never really dated that much when I was single...I have now come across Friendship Dating.
Oh, maaaaan.
Today, I am being set up for lunch with my mother-in-law's good friend's daughter.
I also met a really nice girl here at the coffee shop who I talked with for a while during a lull in customers, and when she left she left me her number on a scratch piece of paper....
And my friend Sarah emailed me with the name and number of a friend of her's who just moved to Seattle who she laughingly said she wanted to set me up on a "friend blind date".

I now feel really sorry for guys having to get up the nerve to hang out with a girl. Its a lot harder now then when I was in college, you dont have that 'common bond' of going to the same school etc. Anyway, at the same time don't think I'm complaining...maybe I wont be a TOTAL cat woman, minus the cats next week.

Perfectly Modern Woman

Today Brett and I will be married two months. I’m pretty sure that’s the go buy fresh milk anniversary.
But our marriage will have been officially longer than many a celebrity marriage and therefore cause for some pause.. And I have to say its been two of the longest/shortest two months of my life. I guess that’s sort of how it always is when I go through huge life altering changes ( which seems to be my lot). This particular change has been different from the past ones, my other major life moves. And for those of you who missed out on the life-crisis of 2002 and then the follow-up crisis of 2005, I am glad you have joined us with the life crisis of 2007. Oh wait, I’ve some how given the impression that my marriage is some sort of “crisis”…which really isn’t fair. I’d say the crisis parts have been more the “military wife” the “what to do now, oh how about be a barista” or the “now I live in Washington and therefore only have three friends” stuff that has created crisis in my little easily -thrown–off- self. When I enter crisis mode, it seems that everything is magnified and time becomes tangible, days passing becomes some sort of monumental achievement.
But, what have I actually achieved? What have I learned in this particularly short amount of time? Here are my thoughts on life as a married women so far:
Being a military wife sucks. In response to me saying I hated the military’s idea of “working hours” ( for example, Brett left at 5 am yesterday morning…got home at 1am and after seeing him for 5 minutes this morning, as he put his uniform on, he is gone yet again…) , Brett said he had not hidden his working schedule from me before we were married, to which I said, “People do not hide the fact that child birth hurts like hell, but then when you actually go through it yourself, the fact that you KNEW it would hurt doesn’t make it less painful.” Profound, I know. Me equating being a military wife to child birth ( this is ironic since it seems to me that most military wives are either pregnant or have five children or both…). And yes that conversation happened in a particular “complain-y” time…and you should be thankful I’d share such a bad moment with you… Anyway, I have realized ( as of yesterday) that I was actually ruining all the perfectly good and decent time that I DID have with Brett with my totally bad attitude. In a lot of ways I am jealous of the military. It’s like the worst Other Women ever. Because this other women gives me free medical care…just kidding, but hopefully you do understand what I’m saying
I guess my point is that I know that there is no question here, there is no changing the way things are, you see, I am actually incredibly proud of Brett and the incredible amount of diligence and integrity that he gives to his job, he takes it very seriously and does not cut many of the corners that so many around him do day in and day out. He generally has a very good attitude and I hardly ever hear him complain ( maybe because I’m complaining so loudly…hahaha) but seriously, He is truly a light in a dark place, and often the only positive interaction that many have with a Believer. Period. And as the days continue on, I see more and more how important it is that he is doing what he does. And along with that realization, I am also having to come to grips that my marriage is going to have to be different. I don’t get to spend the “normal” amount of TIME with my husband that most people get and unfortunately, its only going to get worse, so I am going to have to throw out pretty much ALL my preconceptions of what marriage should be, and start afresh. Yes, it has taken me two months to realize this, and it’ll probably take me years to actually figure out the right way to go about this…but, hey, it’s a fun journey right?


So, here is something I wrote in my journal a while back-from the book “Gold Cord” by Amy Carmicheal , it is the creed that she and the women who joined her, lived by, and after reading it I was over come by its truth and also by how much I was lacking in many of the areas talked about :

“Teach us, good Lord, to serve Thee more, faithfully, to give and not to count the cost, to fight and not heed the wounds, to toil and not seek for rest, to labor and not ask for any reward, save that of knowing that we do Thy will, O lord our God”

I hesitate to even type it here for you, that you even know that it is my desire to be like this…since I lack these attitudes in my life so far, but Lord help me, for I do so very much want to be like this!

a pile of pictures

I've lost the card stick for my computer so I can put the pictures on my camera on the computer and therefore share the rest of the loverly pictures we have of the apartment, as well as a picture I took last night of the pants I found a goodwill for three dollars.
Yup, I found these silk indian wrap pants stuck in between some hideous early 90s print dresses...and they're really great, and the BEST part is I think they are going to fit perfectly the "casual elegant" dress code for the wedding we're attending on Saturday. I cant tell you what horrible trouble I've had with this vague and unhelpful dress code! I mean, suuuure technically with something that vague you cant officially go wrong...but I like to fit in! I like to look cool without it looking like I've tried to hard. Yes, I'm that lame.
Anyway. these pants are cool and I wanted to share them with you...but who KNOWS what happened to that converter! BOO!

In other news, I went on a date with myself last night. Saw The Nanny Diaries, ate Thai Satay Peanut Chicken...it was good except that I missed Brett the whole time.

can't.wake.up.

This mornings quiet time was a total wash. I dont even remember it. Of course, it happened at 4:30. So there's that. I'm thinking I'm going to have to go back and read all my bible readings again because it'll be BRAND NEW for the second time today...
However, I do really like getting up with Brett, ok "like" is a strong word...but I DO find that its more benefitual than I probably realize for us to do that together everyday.


I guess its good I had the third shift today...started at 11. Worked out at our apartment complex's gym...watched VH1's music videos, but even that didnt wake me up totally.

Brett is going to be working tonight ( should be home around midnight...)...so maybe I'll go see The Nanny Diaries, I've heard medicre reviews so I figured I wouldnt put Brett through "mediocre" chick-flicks ;-)

Well, on contemplation, I have no other news to share with you, except to say that I'm still really enjoying working at the coffee shop. I have never worked in the service industry for almost a month and a half without having any really rude customers before!! It really is a credit to the North Western Coffee Drinkers that our clintele is SO very friendly and nice! The down side to this is that nice people arent nearly the same kind of fodder for writing... ;-)

slowly going postal

Driving to Main post: 20 minutes
Getting a day pass for the Prius ( we dont have military tags for it yet): 20 minutes
Driving to Hospital Pharmacy: 10 minutes
Finding out the Pharmacy at Hospital does not do "outside prescriptions: 10 minutes
Driving to Pharmacy across post: 15 minutes
Waiting for Prescription at 2nd Pharmacy: 25 minutes
Finding out that TriCare has made a wrong notation on my records ( saying I'm a dependant not a spouse): 5 minutes
Driving back to Main Hospital to visit Medical Records: 15 minutes
Waiting in Medical Records: 35 minutes
Waiting at Main Pharmacy again(!), because 2nd pharmacy said they'd make an exception because of the TriCare error: 20 minutes
Waiting for Main Pharmacy employee to try to figure out how to "do something different" and fill the outside prescription: 35 minutes
Time it took for her supervior to do it once she finally called him: 5 minutes
Driving home with rush hour traffic 30 minutes

Total time for me to FINALLY get my prescription: 4 hours

Finally having my presciption: PRICELESS

~~

In other news, Brett and I went to the Puyallup Fair ( yeah, that's a real name!) last night...its the 6th largest fair in the country ( apparently) and it was pretty good fun, especially since it was the warmest day we've had all year ( 85 degrees and beautiful!)...lots of fun. Interesting Fact: Traditional Fair food in the northwest=scones. really weird. but totally yummy.

Hard.

So, last night at 6pmish, without warning I was informed that Brett was going to be gone for a week. Next week to be exact. The week of our one year anniversary...oh, and yeah, did I mention it was NEXT week?!

I'm not going to complain about it more than stating those facts, except to say that you dont know how totally and completely fragile and weak you are until one thing throws you for a loop and you have to wear your glasses to work on a Monday morning...not because of seeing exactly, just more so that people dont notice how rediculously puffy my eyes are this morning.

Honestly, I'm surprised at myself.

Of course, I'm already trying really hard to come up with something to make next week better....Hopefully, I'll get to work a lot...that'll keep me busy.
I'm actually working a lot this week, every day except Friday and Saturday! That's right, my first weekend shift is this Sunday. But, luckily its only a training shift so I'll be able to make it to church.

I'm still trying hard to get use to the church situation. Chapel is definitely not what I'm use to, and I'd almost resigned myself to the dead enviroment until this week when Wes, who is one of the Navigator leaders here at Fort Lewis ( Brett and I go to a Bible Study of his on Thursdays) preached this Sunday-and the whole PLACE was different...it makes me sad that the Chaplins are obviously considering this congregation just one of their many jobs, it shows. However, at the same time I am more and more resolved that it is where we are suppose to be, the people there deserve some life and I got a great email from Tabitha that was a great encouragment to me regarding my place in a church enviroment....of course, it means I have to be more proactive myself in going out and finding what I need to have a healthy spiritual life...

all work, and no blogging...

I'll be honest, I'm stressed out about my perscriptions. It's been on my mind for at least a month. I've got about a week and a half before they all run out. And then we'll really be in trouble. However, I'm sure I'm just over reacting. I'm sure that the beaurocracy that is the military healthcare system will come through and I'll get what I need just in time. I'm sure all my prayers will be answered. And probably the fact that I'm worrying is a lack of faith on my part.

Because I know things are going to turn out ok....somehow.

In other news I'm currently working the 11am to 4:30 shift. Its pretty slow, but tips havent been half bad. So I guess we'll call it a draw, since I am currently blogging from work. There is some odd since of comfort in the continuity of the jobs that God has given me...in that I am able to write at each of them. It makes me feel like I should be writing something more worthwhile...considering this blog has stood the test of three jobs, and have we gotten anything substancial from my writing throughout any of that?! I suppose that remains to be seen.

I just had our resident crazy guy steal tips from the tip jar when I was busy with a customers order early. To be honest I was ticked off with him. I think that has to be the rudest form of stealing....here I am "slaving away" and he takes my money while I'm not looking. jerk. Luckily he only took one or two dollars. I suppose it could have been worse.

This evening we're having Wes over for dinner, Wes just moved here from Georgia. Brett actually lived with Wes's family when he was living in Georgia and it makes me happy that we can continue the friendship they started there. I also really identify with Wes and what he's going through at the moment. I remember going off to New Zealand when I was fresh 18....and Wes, well he'll be turning 18 in a month or so...and he's already made some big decisions and moved across the country. I'm impressed. And at the same time I dont care how many important grown up decisions a person makes, they should still get to act like a 17 year old every once and a while...which is why I think Wes and I can be friends-I act like a 17 year old most of the time. ;-)

The Lord knows...

That I have to have a job where I can do internet business WHILE working! And, yes, we're back. Today has been slow and I just so happen to have brought my laptop to work ( it was meant for after work...but what the heck. no customers)...love the fast internet again!

Anyway, I'm trying to stay really positive today. Its a struggle since today is the beginning of real life once again. Brett is back to his 12 hour work days. great. See? Its tough to think that's some how a good thing. But, there are some things that need to get done around the house that I've been putting off til now. *sigh*

maybe I'll have something more inspiring to say later...

And we start...

So, I know years ago I promised you some before and after shots of the apartment. Well, I was kindly reminded of this fact by dear family this morning and so thus begins the installments of "The Wilson Apartment: Before and After"

And we'll just enter the house as though you were coming in the front door....

BEFORE:




AFTER:

siblings.

My sister is possibly the funniest person I know. She makes me laugh until my sides hurt and I have to gasp for air. The weird thing is, yesterday, after I got off the phone with her I remembered that even when I lived in New Zealand and I had the chance to talk to her on the phone, I would laugh till I cried-and we werent even great friends then! Not that being great friends with someone makes you laugh harder, I'm just saying my sister's been one of the most hilarious person since forever. So there. I makes me really proud she's my sister....and it also makes me sad that all the people I meet here haven't had the privilege of knowing her.

Really all my friends that are now scattered from here to the ends of the earth...I wish I could carry everyone around in my pocket!

So, today Brett has staff duty, meaning he'll be at work from about 6pm tonight until 6am in the morning. Boo! At the same time it'll prepare me for the inevitable of next week when the Army will essentially ask me for my husband back and thus the fight for time with Brett will officially recommence. Incidentally, next week I am going to my first "Buffalo Coffee" ( the Buffalo is, like, the mascot of Brett's brigade...and I bet I'd get in trouble for equating it with a mascot...but really that's what it is, isnt it?! ) with the other 'officers wives'....I'm getting ready to get my 'polite/chatty' face on. It'll be a nice change of pace from my usual company- single boys... so, see? I'm already being ultra positive about my forced socializing! good for me!

This evening I will, hopefully, get to do some NONforced socializing with "the girl who I helped with her budgeting" who will now be known as, Leah, her husband is coming home for about 9 months ( hopefully) on Tuesday-and I just so happen to know how annoyingly slow those last few days before someone finally gets home are...so I hope to take advantage of Brett's staff duty tonight and hang out with her! She's seriously a cool person ( a concert violinist from Alaska, just to name a few quick cool tidbits) and hopefully I'll get to hang out with her even after her husband returns....the army is odd like that, it makes everyone ultra selfish with there time, including myself....I still have so much to learn about this odd, odd world....