If you didnt...well, I dont want to know ;-)
I am back in Nacogdoches, after the longest three hour drive EVER. Uggg....rain the whole way :-(
I had a delightful time ( it was everything I needed it to be AND MORE)...and I am sure I'll tell you all about it tomorrow, but for now I am off to take a hot hot shower, unpack...and give candy to trick-or-treaters. wooooooooooo!
October 31, 2005
October 28, 2005
run, run like the wind!
So, yesterday was a crap day. Yes, I know...thats not nice of me to say...but seriously, I tried out several words before finally going back to that one, and none of them fully expressed the badness of the bad day of yesterday. ;-)
I'm not going to go into it, at all, but suffice to say...I two good things came out of yesterday:
The Help of my Helper:
As I was leaving my sisters house last night, she said, "Yeah, maybe we should pray about this." And then we both laughed...because, well, maybe doesnt EVEN cover it! So I went home...and I rebuked all of the 'crap'...and then I took up all of the good things i could possibly think of...and then I feel asleep. Very good.
A decision:
I'm going away...today.
Yes, I havent offically CALLED Aunt Donnave yet..but as soon as I am through with work today...I'm going out of town for the weekend...something I've tried, and then failed to do several times in the last few months ;-) ....but the events of the past week make it nearly IMPOSSIBLE for me NOT to go away!! I need to get in my car, and drive...and sing to praise music...and pray...and look at the scenery...and yell at bad drivers....yes, it will be wonderful...and that's even before I get to my destination!
I'm still a bit on the "sick" side, but I am MUCH better! *stop for a second to rant*
Why is it that when you FEEL really bad, you dont sound bad or look bad and therefore no one feels sorry for you...but then, when you start to feel better your voice gets horse and gross...and you look way worse...and everyone feels much more sorry for you?!?
And therefore, I am off...I am out of here...and I will NOT be checking my blog, checking my email, reading other peoples blogs or commenting for the next several days. I havent had a break from "this world" in a while, and I think I need one...soo....see you on the flipside dear ones!
Wish me well!
October 27, 2005
tea baggage
So, this morning, I've been drinking tea....its so good on the throat...but, now its all gone and I must resort to http://www.cadburyadams.com/brands/throat_drops/halls_vitaminc.html and giant bottle of water..*sigh*
I hate being sick...I mean, is it EVER at a good time? I mean, sometimes, say...on rainy days...I've often thought: Man, it would be the perfect day to be sick.
But, I think even then what I am <em>actually</em> thinking is "its the perfect day to stay in bed with a good book."
Because, in actuality when you're sick...you can't even concentrate on a good book....
Last night, I was SO very sad...I was having to fight off all SORTS of lies that kept coming into my head. I think its so easy to be attacked spiritually when your actual body is rundown...I mean, if you read my journal it pretty much just says: "Lord, help me."
I know, pitiful right?
But, God is good...he listens to the very groans of our spirit:
Rom8:26 In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express.
...and I think that last night is a good example of that....
October 26, 2005
I feel eeeky
meeeh....I feel so ill.
I've taken a huge handfull of drugs...I'm practically pouring water down my throat...and now I am going to bed with The Fellowship...
But, to tell you the truth I'm feeling a tad melancholy....
I've taken a huge handfull of drugs...I'm practically pouring water down my throat...and now I am going to bed with The Fellowship...
But, to tell you the truth I'm feeling a tad melancholy....
Hello, I'm a girl...make me feel insecure.
Today, I did two things that I hate:
I went and got the oil changed on my car. And I went to the hardware store.
I hate getting my oil changed, because EVERYTIME I go they try to tell me I need something ELSE done to my car...now, i wasnt born yesterday, and I am not about to get anything but my oil changed at an oil changing place...everything else gets to be done by my normal car doctor ;-) ...but I HATE that they always try to sell me other stuff...because, technically they COULD be telling me the truth, and I really COULD have a huge problem with my car...but I wouldnt know. That's one of the reasons I hate going...the OTHER is I HATE having to pull over that big hole in the ground...where they go under and look at the bottom of my car...I hate watching the guy with the oily hands and shirt directing me to come forward, leeeeft....nooo...riiiight...no, wait! Stop! Stop!
I always mess up...I always have to be told to stop and try again.....boo.
I also hate going to the hardware store...because i have NO IDEA about anything that they sell there. I pretty much have to rely on the staff to direct me where I need to go...and I KNOW that as soon as I walk in, everyone in there knows I dont belong.
It is really only on days like this that I wish I had a boyfriend....someone who I could ask sweetly to go with me on these little manly adventures. Seriously. Most of the time, I am JUST FINE on my own...and, well, I guess technically I was fine today too...but, well, I felt sick and my throat hurt...meeeeh.....and just wanted to go home and go to bed.
In conclusion:
Today, I needed a Mommy to take car of me and a boyfriend to do manly tasks for me.
The End.
I went and got the oil changed on my car. And I went to the hardware store.
I hate getting my oil changed, because EVERYTIME I go they try to tell me I need something ELSE done to my car...now, i wasnt born yesterday, and I am not about to get anything but my oil changed at an oil changing place...everything else gets to be done by my normal car doctor ;-) ...but I HATE that they always try to sell me other stuff...because, technically they COULD be telling me the truth, and I really COULD have a huge problem with my car...but I wouldnt know. That's one of the reasons I hate going...the OTHER is I HATE having to pull over that big hole in the ground...where they go under and look at the bottom of my car...I hate watching the guy with the oily hands and shirt directing me to come forward, leeeeft....nooo...riiiight...no, wait! Stop! Stop!
I always mess up...I always have to be told to stop and try again.....boo.
I also hate going to the hardware store...because i have NO IDEA about anything that they sell there. I pretty much have to rely on the staff to direct me where I need to go...and I KNOW that as soon as I walk in, everyone in there knows I dont belong.
It is really only on days like this that I wish I had a boyfriend....someone who I could ask sweetly to go with me on these little manly adventures. Seriously. Most of the time, I am JUST FINE on my own...and, well, I guess technically I was fine today too...but, well, I felt sick and my throat hurt...meeeeh.....and just wanted to go home and go to bed.
In conclusion:
Today, I needed a Mommy to take car of me and a boyfriend to do manly tasks for me.
The End.
wake up to it...
I have a sore throat....I'm achy alllll ooooover.....
and to make matters entirely worse: The kitchen is totally gross from two nights ago....
I feel like crying.
and to make matters entirely worse: The kitchen is totally gross from two nights ago....
I feel like crying.
October 25, 2005
Good Vs. Evil
At the moment two books are sitting on my bed...one is The Lord of the Rings and the other is The Once and Future King...truly the opposite ends of the spectum of goodness....of course, it could be ( rightly) argued that TOaFK is good literature...but personally I find it HORRIBLE....and Amy was right a few days ago to comment that it was the loss of innocence for King Aurthur and for me the reader...anyway, its sitting on my bed because my mother just gave me back my copy...which she's been using in her freshman english classroom for years now. She uses my copy as an example of how to "get through" books that you dont like, but have to read as an assignment...you see, years ago...*i* took freshman english-back when my mother wasnt teaching it and THIS horrible book was taught ( of course, as soon as my mother took over the class she switched from TOaFK straight on over to TLotR...and never looked back)...and my good friend Amy took the class too...except in the FIRST semester...while I took it in the second, so we shared the book...and did what any 15 year old girl that hates a book will do: We wrote commentary throughout...along with helpful notes and hints for the class....this beloved/hated book was then passed on to future generations...and in the end a total of five girls read the book and wrote comments in it....making a horrible book full of scarring stories about boiling cats alive into a book you can read without having ( too) many nightmares...because of all the satire and jokes about various assignments that we thought were pointless...
And all these years later I can read through all those comments and smile at my fifteen year old self ! :-) So, Amy, Tiffany, Emily, and Jodee...thanks for making the words of T.H. White bareable.
Now, last night I read arguably my FAVORITE chapter in The Fellowship..."Lothlorien" here are my fav. quotes from this WONERFUL passage:
Boromir: "But of that perilous land we have heard in Gondor, and it is said that few come out who once go in; and of that few none have escaped unscathed."
"Say no unscathed, but if you say unchanged, then maybe you will speak the truth, said Aragorn. "
About sleeping up in the trees:
I hope, if I do go to sleep in this bed-loft, that I shan't roll of, (Pippin) said.
Once I go do get to sleep,' said Sam, "I shall go on sleeping, whether I roll off or no. And the less said, the sooner I'll drop off, if you take my meaning."
" Alas for the folly of these days! said Legola. "Here all are enemies of the one Enemy, and yet I must walk blind, while the sun is merry in the woodland under leaves of gold!"
Said of Lothlorien: The world is indeed full of peril and in the it there are many dark places, but still there is much that is fair, and though in all lands love is now mingled with grief, it grows perhaps the greater."
"A light was upon it for which his language had no name. All that he saw was shapely , but the shapes seemed at once clear cut, as if they had been first conceived and drawn at the uncovering of his eyes, and ancient as if they had endured forever. He saw no color but those he knew, gold and white and blue and green, but they were fresh and poignant, as if he had at that moment first perceived them and made for them names new and wonderful. In winter here no heart could mourn for summer or for spring. No blemish or sickness or deformity could be seen in anything that grew upon the earth. On the land of Lorien thee was no stain."
Aragorn to Frodo:
"Here is the heart of Elvendom on earth, and here my heart dwells ever, unless there be a light beyond the dark roads that we still must tread you and I. Come with me!" And taking Frodo's hand in his, he left the hill of Cerin Amroth and came there never again as living man."
*whew!* Now THAT that gives me goosebumps!
And all these years later I can read through all those comments and smile at my fifteen year old self ! :-) So, Amy, Tiffany, Emily, and Jodee...thanks for making the words of T.H. White bareable.
Now, last night I read arguably my FAVORITE chapter in The Fellowship..."Lothlorien" here are my fav. quotes from this WONERFUL passage:
Boromir: "But of that perilous land we have heard in Gondor, and it is said that few come out who once go in; and of that few none have escaped unscathed."
"Say no unscathed, but if you say unchanged, then maybe you will speak the truth, said Aragorn. "
About sleeping up in the trees:
I hope, if I do go to sleep in this bed-loft, that I shan't roll of, (Pippin) said.
Once I go do get to sleep,' said Sam, "I shall go on sleeping, whether I roll off or no. And the less said, the sooner I'll drop off, if you take my meaning."
" Alas for the folly of these days! said Legola. "Here all are enemies of the one Enemy, and yet I must walk blind, while the sun is merry in the woodland under leaves of gold!"
Said of Lothlorien: The world is indeed full of peril and in the it there are many dark places, but still there is much that is fair, and though in all lands love is now mingled with grief, it grows perhaps the greater."
"A light was upon it for which his language had no name. All that he saw was shapely , but the shapes seemed at once clear cut, as if they had been first conceived and drawn at the uncovering of his eyes, and ancient as if they had endured forever. He saw no color but those he knew, gold and white and blue and green, but they were fresh and poignant, as if he had at that moment first perceived them and made for them names new and wonderful. In winter here no heart could mourn for summer or for spring. No blemish or sickness or deformity could be seen in anything that grew upon the earth. On the land of Lorien thee was no stain."
Aragorn to Frodo:
"Here is the heart of Elvendom on earth, and here my heart dwells ever, unless there be a light beyond the dark roads that we still must tread you and I. Come with me!" And taking Frodo's hand in his, he left the hill of Cerin Amroth and came there never again as living man."
*whew!* Now THAT that gives me goosebumps!
I have a sore throat...
I've been fighting off a bad mood all day...but, on the plus side, I get FOUR days off for Thanksgiving...which makes up for having to work Christmas and my birthday ( sort of)
which speaking of my birthday...we'll be starting the countdown to my GOLDEN BIRTHDAY in the next few days...woo...something for everyone to look forward to, aye? hahahahahaha!
But, you know what I realized the other day? That this birthday marks the last birthday that I've look forward to in my life...from here on, its just a birthday...kinda sad....ooooh weeeeelllll....
So, hey, dont have much to say today...just posting because I'm bored, and I have a feeling I'm not going to get any more comments on my previous post, so time to move forward, right?
Ok, so grasping at straws....As you may remember for a post script from yesterday, I've started knitting again, which is generally relaxing..and yet, since both of my hands are busy whilest doing it...I end up listening to a lot of music, and watching a lot of Family Guy. hehe.
I'm boring myself....I'll leave you alone now....
October 24, 2005
What's with the madness now?
So, it all started with crazy stalker ( aka. Paul) which was cool...because turns out Paul wasnt a crazy stalker at all...and instead was a really nice person whom has some deep things to say sometimes that I agree with, and they make me think ;-)...and then...
Then, through Carmi I met her friend Merissa from South Africa...who Carmi hasnt actually SEEN since she was like 12 or something...but that doesnt really matter because she's got a blog...and I read it....and turns out she has a heart that I understand...and besides, she says "Blast"...which we all know is one of my favorite things to say...now, she's become a regular on "The Panel" discussion group ( I just came up with that name by the way, but it works)...
...Then there was the random comment from Sarah, who turned out to have a really awesome blog filled with quotes that delight the soul....and so I replied to her comment...and then I actually got mentioned in her most recent post ( which in blogger world is the utmost exciting thing)....
And now there's this person who Carmi ( again!) came upon whilest blog surfing...and thus "recommended" me to....I just read the person's blog and I thought...wow, they seem really cool too...
Is it ODD that I am starting to find these "internet" people totally interesting?! I guess if I find myself spending ALL of my time on the internet instead of with real, live people...well, then we've got ourselves a serious problem-but till then...
Who else havent i met?
~~~~~
Now, to being "normal" again: I've spent the evening knitting and listening to Billie Holiday...I'm thinking about a cup of tea...I am feeling down right cozy...hey, and did I mention I am back to wear in my NZ hoodie again? Yay! Security Blanket that you can wear! :-)
Then, through Carmi I met her friend Merissa from South Africa...who Carmi hasnt actually SEEN since she was like 12 or something...but that doesnt really matter because she's got a blog...and I read it....and turns out she has a heart that I understand...and besides, she says "Blast"...which we all know is one of my favorite things to say...now, she's become a regular on "The Panel" discussion group ( I just came up with that name by the way, but it works)...
...Then there was the random comment from Sarah, who turned out to have a really awesome blog filled with quotes that delight the soul....and so I replied to her comment...and then I actually got mentioned in her most recent post ( which in blogger world is the utmost exciting thing)....
And now there's this person who Carmi ( again!) came upon whilest blog surfing...and thus "recommended" me to....I just read the person's blog and I thought...wow, they seem really cool too...
Is it ODD that I am starting to find these "internet" people totally interesting?! I guess if I find myself spending ALL of my time on the internet instead of with real, live people...well, then we've got ourselves a serious problem-but till then...
Who else havent i met?
~~~~~
Now, to being "normal" again: I've spent the evening knitting and listening to Billie Holiday...I'm thinking about a cup of tea...I am feeling down right cozy...hey, and did I mention I am back to wear in my NZ hoodie again? Yay! Security Blanket that you can wear! :-)
The Fifth Season
So, as I've mentioned a good million jillion times I write in journals all over the place...I've had up to four going at once, but no longer...its all about simplifying! hehe...yes, I am down to this blog and then I've combined my "personal thoughts" and "prayer journal" into one totally awesome journal. Now, I usually write in this journal everyday...sometimes pages and pages of prayers....sometimes just a jotted scripture that's spoken to me that day...anywho, without even calculating...I seem to have a regular pattern of filling up a whole journal in about six months-give or take a few days. And, as I finished up a journal this past week I thought about how I feel about the "journal ending" and the "journal beginning"...and it has definitely turned into some sort of subconscious spiritual season evaluator.
Usually as I finish up a journal I read back through the whole thing...skipping around reading a day here or there...it never fails to be encouraging and convicting all at the same time!
In doing the read through I find it beyond praise at how God truly answers prayers! I also find it incredible how easily I forget this....but, its when I am look at day after day all together I can see the pattern of prayers and answers....
In the same way, however...when I read back I see prayers that I've felt conviction over that I need to have more perserverance in...things that I know I still need to lift up...
I am also humbled by how LONG I've struggled with certain problems...certain sins...I mean, I can look back through YEARS worth of journals and find the same reaccuring themes.
But, isnt our God faithful? Isnt that what this Life is all about? Fighting onwards day by day. Last night in church, it was mentioned in the sermon that it is an honorable thing to get back up again and again from our failings and continue to ask for forgiveness and help. I think so often the Devil Lies..and shoves our failures in our face...so that we loose heart...this should never be! It really struck me...how often I believe the Lies...and stop the fight.
Anyway, the end of a journal also marks the BEGINNING of a new one...and OH! how I love this! I love the new paper...a EMPTY book without any of my scribbles yet blotting the pages...it holds such hope...as in, maybe this time my handwritting wont be as bad...maybe this time...I will have great joys to share in this journal! Great victories recorded! This journal, not yet written in, does not hold ANY of my failings as of yet...it doesnt have ANY bad days...it doesnt have any woes..or struggles....its brandnew.
And isnt that just how each day is with the Lord? We wake up, New every morning...He wipes us clean...He looks at us, not with all our past sins piled up on top of us, littering our pages...but totally empty, fresh...ready for a new chapter to be written...a chapter with Him as King!
I always pick some scripture or maybe a hymn to put on the first page of each journal...one main reason was that if I ever lost my journal and someone opened it up...it wouldnt have my personal thoughts on the FIRST page at least! ;-)
But, another reason is a reminder...that while the rest of the pages will be filled with the ups and downs of one girl...it is ALL preceded but the Truth that reigns over that very ups and downs filled life...THAT is constant...THAT stays the same...no matter, what winds may blow, what rains may wash away...
In my last journal the First page contains the
"Lead On O King Eternal"
Lead on, O King eternal,
The day of march has come;
Henceforth in fields of conquest
Thy tents shall be our home.
Through days of preparation
Thy grace has made us strong;
And now, O King eternal,
We lift our battle song.
Lead on, O King eternal,
Till sin’s fierce war shall cease,
And holiness shall whisper
The sweet amen of peace.
For not with swords’ loud clashing,
Nor roll of stirring drums;
With deeds of love and mercy
The heavenly kingdom comes.
Lead on, O King eternal,
We follow, not with fears,
For gladness breaks like morning
Where’er Thy face appears.
Thy cross is lifted over us,
We journey in its light;
The crown awaits the conquest;
Lead on, O God of might.
Feeling good....
...considering I was awakened at 3AM by a car alarm...which then proceeded to go off for ten minute spirts for the next two hours...which of course, woke up the dog downstairs....
yes, it was good times had by all...
all I can say is, thank GOODNESS for my ipod. I felt like I was reverting back to when I was a very young child, because I listened to the same gospel music my parents use to play to me...the same music I listened to during my first month in NZ when i lived on the first floor ( right next to the lift/elevator) of UniCol ( the most evil, party dorm/hall ever) when I could hear people throwing up outside my window.....I think its my all-time "calm down, its going to be ok" music.
But, seriously, I am really not THAT tired today...of course, I think the Jack Hammer ( a combo of shot of espresso and a cup of regular coffee) that I am still drinking from this morning is helpful...as well, as the EXCELLENT cooler weather that is happening outside. :-)
So, I am happy...
October 23, 2005
What I wish...
So, sometimes these things come to me....and usually I just do a little dreaming and then I move on, but tonight I'm gonna share ;-)
So here are tonights "day" dreams:
1. I wish...that I could go to New Zealand in January and roadtrip down to Dunedin with Emma and Lydia when they head back for summerschool/job.
2. I wish...I could go watch Sam perform in Beauty and the Beast.
3. I wish...I could go spend New Years with Kristy ( and crew!) in Hong Kong.
4. I wish....I could go to South Africa with Carmi when she goes to stay with her father at his house by the sea.
5. I wish...I could sit down and have long conversations with Tabitha....and Penny.....and Louise.....and SO MANY others....
Because ultimately I want to hug my friends, laugh with my friends ( face to face), I want to talk for hours...I want to pray with them...and be able to reach out and touch them....I want to have multiple coffees with them....I want to look at their beautiful little faces....
*sigh*
Instead, I'm going to take some drugs for these cramps, read some LotR and go to bed, so I can get up and go to work tomorrow....
Whoa, so this post sounds really depressed-but, I'm not...I really am not. I mean, I just read over my wishes...and I realized how truly truly blessed I am to HAVE such friends to miss! I mean, how wonderful! How blessed! And I also feel sure that even if I dont get ANY of the above wishes ( which, well, lets face it...I probably wont)...I am still perfectly satisfied with what I've been given....it just makes it a lot more dramatic when you contrast the amazing wishes with a little bit of the everyday...
But, I shant forget, without the everyday....those days on the beach in Fiji just arent as special :-)
So here are tonights "day" dreams:
1. I wish...that I could go to New Zealand in January and roadtrip down to Dunedin with Emma and Lydia when they head back for summerschool/job.
2. I wish...I could go watch Sam perform in Beauty and the Beast.
3. I wish...I could go spend New Years with Kristy ( and crew!) in Hong Kong.
4. I wish....I could go to South Africa with Carmi when she goes to stay with her father at his house by the sea.
5. I wish...I could sit down and have long conversations with Tabitha....and Penny.....and Louise.....and SO MANY others....
Because ultimately I want to hug my friends, laugh with my friends ( face to face), I want to talk for hours...I want to pray with them...and be able to reach out and touch them....I want to have multiple coffees with them....I want to look at their beautiful little faces....
*sigh*
Instead, I'm going to take some drugs for these cramps, read some LotR and go to bed, so I can get up and go to work tomorrow....
Whoa, so this post sounds really depressed-but, I'm not...I really am not. I mean, I just read over my wishes...and I realized how truly truly blessed I am to HAVE such friends to miss! I mean, how wonderful! How blessed! And I also feel sure that even if I dont get ANY of the above wishes ( which, well, lets face it...I probably wont)...I am still perfectly satisfied with what I've been given....it just makes it a lot more dramatic when you contrast the amazing wishes with a little bit of the everyday...
But, I shant forget, without the everyday....those days on the beach in Fiji just arent as special :-)
October 22, 2005
Part 2: The Fellowship "goodness"
So, here are some more of the quotes I've delighted in in the past few days....I am coming to the end of The Fellowship of the Ring...which is sad in a way...like saying goodbye to an old friend for another season....
but there's just a little bit more to treasure before its over...and then on to the next!
Merry: "You can trust us to stick to you through thick and thin-to the bitter end. And you can trust us to keep any secret of yours-closer than you keep it yourself. But you cannot trust us to let you face trouble alone, and go off without a word. We are your friends, Frodo."
This is pretty famous nowdays...but its WONDERFUL, and gives me chills every SINGLE time I read it:
All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by the frost.
From the ashes a fire shall be woken,
A light from the shadows shall spring;
Renewed shall be blade that was broken,
The crownless again shall be king.
This one has personal meaning...and it really struck me this particular read through:
" I have," said Strider. "I dwelt there once, and still I return when I may. There my heart is; but it is not my fate to sit in peace, even in the fair house of Elrond."
Gandalf about Frodo: "Still that must be expected," said Gandalf to himself. "He is not half through yet, and to what he will come in the end not even Elrond can fortell. Not to evil, I think. He may become like a glass filled with a clear light for eyes to see that can."
This is what I want my dream house to be like:
...The Last Homely House east of the Sea. That house was, as Bilbo had long ago reported, " a perfect hourse, whether you like food or sleep or story-telling or singing, or just sitting and thinking best, or a pleasant mixture of them all."
This is what I think angels must be like:
Glorfindel was tall and straight; his hair was of shining gold; his face fair and young and fearless and full of joy; his eyes where bright and keen; and his voice like music; on his brow sat wisdom and in his hand was strength."
They spoke no more of the small news of the Shire far away, nor of the dark shadows and perils that encompassed them, but of the fair things they had seen in the world together, of the Elves, of the stars of trees, and the gentle fall of the bright year in the woods."
'Despair or folly?' said Gandalf. 'It is not despair, for despair is only for those who see the end beyond all doubt. We do not."
Aragorn: "We have passed no place on the way up that offered more shelter than this cliff-wall we are under now."
"Shelter!" muttered Sam, "If this is shelter, then one wall and no roof make a house."
but there's just a little bit more to treasure before its over...and then on to the next!
Merry: "You can trust us to stick to you through thick and thin-to the bitter end. And you can trust us to keep any secret of yours-closer than you keep it yourself. But you cannot trust us to let you face trouble alone, and go off without a word. We are your friends, Frodo."
This is pretty famous nowdays...but its WONDERFUL, and gives me chills every SINGLE time I read it:
All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by the frost.
From the ashes a fire shall be woken,
A light from the shadows shall spring;
Renewed shall be blade that was broken,
The crownless again shall be king.
This one has personal meaning...and it really struck me this particular read through:
" I have," said Strider. "I dwelt there once, and still I return when I may. There my heart is; but it is not my fate to sit in peace, even in the fair house of Elrond."
Gandalf about Frodo: "Still that must be expected," said Gandalf to himself. "He is not half through yet, and to what he will come in the end not even Elrond can fortell. Not to evil, I think. He may become like a glass filled with a clear light for eyes to see that can."
This is what I want my dream house to be like:
...The Last Homely House east of the Sea. That house was, as Bilbo had long ago reported, " a perfect hourse, whether you like food or sleep or story-telling or singing, or just sitting and thinking best, or a pleasant mixture of them all."
This is what I think angels must be like:
Glorfindel was tall and straight; his hair was of shining gold; his face fair and young and fearless and full of joy; his eyes where bright and keen; and his voice like music; on his brow sat wisdom and in his hand was strength."
They spoke no more of the small news of the Shire far away, nor of the dark shadows and perils that encompassed them, but of the fair things they had seen in the world together, of the Elves, of the stars of trees, and the gentle fall of the bright year in the woods."
'Despair or folly?' said Gandalf. 'It is not despair, for despair is only for those who see the end beyond all doubt. We do not."
Aragorn: "We have passed no place on the way up that offered more shelter than this cliff-wall we are under now."
"Shelter!" muttered Sam, "If this is shelter, then one wall and no roof make a house."
I was awakened to the sound of barking...
But, it makes me feel better that people EVERYWHERE hate their neighbors too.
October 21, 2005
7 times 7
7 times 7
7 things I plan to do:
1.Write a novel...or something
2.Have a house where lots of people can come and say.
3.Learn to cook ( better).
4.Find a "hot holy boy" ( thanks for that, Carmi)
5.Eat lunch
6. Go back to NZ...at least for a visit.
7. Watch all three Extended Editions of Lord of the Rings in one sitting
7 things I can do:
1. Carry on conversation with just about anyone.
2. tell a story on demand
3. knit
4. have a cheerful voice on the phone no matter what my mood is.
5. cross just one eye
6. dance..when no one's watching
7. sing...in the shower
7 things I cant do:
1. Drive a car manually
2. Play the piano in public ( I can play in private)
3. Write with my righthand
4. rollerskate ( I have weak ankles ok!)
5. Talk on the phone and blog at the same time ( I've tried..its not possible)
6. Balance my checkbook without a calculator ( even then it takes HOURS)
7. Eat italian food while wearing a white shirt ( I WILL get sauce on it!)
7 Things that Scare me:
1. scorpions
2. drowning in a car
3. something bad happening to my friends
4. relationships
5. teletubbies
6. ending up with a horrible east texas accent
7. The Kool-aid mascot
7 Random things About me:
1. I have freakishly small feet
2. I can write backwards ( you can read it in a mirror)
3. I was a competitive swimmer for 10 years
4. I'm 5'6
5. I just have one sister.
6. I had ringlets until I was, like four, when I got my first haircut...and they never came back
7. I hate celery
7 Things I say:
1. Meeeeh.
2. Wooo wooo.
3. Speaking of...
4. Like nobodies business
5. Crazy pills
6. Oh.
7. Crazier than a coconut
7 things I plan to do:
1.Write a novel...or something
2.Have a house where lots of people can come and say.
3.Learn to cook ( better).
4.Find a "hot holy boy" ( thanks for that, Carmi)
5.Eat lunch
6. Go back to NZ...at least for a visit.
7. Watch all three Extended Editions of Lord of the Rings in one sitting
7 things I can do:
1. Carry on conversation with just about anyone.
2. tell a story on demand
3. knit
4. have a cheerful voice on the phone no matter what my mood is.
5. cross just one eye
6. dance..when no one's watching
7. sing...in the shower
7 things I cant do:
1. Drive a car manually
2. Play the piano in public ( I can play in private)
3. Write with my righthand
4. rollerskate ( I have weak ankles ok!)
5. Talk on the phone and blog at the same time ( I've tried..its not possible)
6. Balance my checkbook without a calculator ( even then it takes HOURS)
7. Eat italian food while wearing a white shirt ( I WILL get sauce on it!)
7 Things that Scare me:
1. scorpions
2. drowning in a car
3. something bad happening to my friends
4. relationships
5. teletubbies
6. ending up with a horrible east texas accent
7. The Kool-aid mascot
7 Random things About me:
1. I have freakishly small feet
2. I can write backwards ( you can read it in a mirror)
3. I was a competitive swimmer for 10 years
4. I'm 5'6
5. I just have one sister.
6. I had ringlets until I was, like four, when I got my first haircut...and they never came back
7. I hate celery
7 Things I say:
1. Meeeeh.
2. Wooo wooo.
3. Speaking of...
4. Like nobodies business
5. Crazy pills
6. Oh.
7. Crazier than a coconut
Science Fiction-ness
Soooo, this morning I woke up from this INSANE dream, which I can only discribe as science fiction on crazy pills...but, the reason I mention the dream is that I must have REALLY thought it was awesome AND real , because my body was totally sore, I had this odd pain in my neck and my body was in a starfish type stance when my alarm went off...meaning I must have ACTUALLY been crawling through that tunnel that had electric shock wire running along the outside of it...trying to escape the evil dictator who, I kid you not, looked like my friend Douglas.
Annnnywho, I wasnt in the BEST of moods while I was getting ready for work this morning, and it didnt make it ANY better that when I got to my car I saw that Evil Neighbor and Evil Daughter were both sitting outside having a Fag...and Evil Daughter leaned out of her chair to look at me.
ugg.
BUUUUT, you know what made this Friday morning worth it( besides the coffee) ? Well, I had TWENTY updated blogs to read this morning! awwwww....yous guys....it gave me SUCH a fuzzy feeling...even though, those of you that have blogger comments...I cant comment...and...that makes me sad( hint, hint haloscan is worth it, everyone) . But, the shear amount of reading I had to do was delightful, and luckily the noncommenting did not kill the buzz it provided :-)
There was something else I wanted to say....
Oh! Yes! My sister and I are going to a HIGH SCHOOL FOOTBALL GAME tonight! hahahah! I KNOW...and not only that, we are going to a "baby" highschool football game, meaning its one of those little bitty backwoods sort of towns....our friend Ramey is the band director there and we are going to catch his half-time show...I am actually really excited about this-especially since the weather FINALLY got cool(er) again...seriously, these summer tempatures did not help the electric bill this month :-(
But, back on subject: I really feel that football games should be watched in cooler weather...no matter what. And I am SURE that I'll have something cool to talk about tomorrow....
Speaking of good times with the sister: < Save the Last Dance and Pizza equals good times had by all....
P.S. Oh, and Anna, it DID come out my Junior year in Highschool...which probably DOES explain the dancing with all the black dudes at my Senior Prom....ahhh...it all makes sense now! ;-)
October 19, 2005
The Gated Emotions
So, I live in a "gated community", right? ( which sounds a lot flasher then it is!) And to get in the gate you have to put in your personal 4 digit code...of course, most of the time ( since there are about 200 apartments with an average of about two cars per apartment) there is a car in front of you, and you can tailgate them and get in without going to the trouble of putting in the code...waiting for the code to register...and then for the ( insanely) slow gate to open...
Today, after a loooong day at work where I ate only a little bag of chips and a cupcake, I was insanely irritated and ready to get home and make dinner ( low bloodsugar anyone?) ....I drove into the apartment complex just in time to see two cars in line for the gate...the first one put in the code and we all waited for it to slowly open...and then the inconcievable happened:
The car in front of me DID NOT go on through with the first car, but instead stopped in front of the security box and put in THEIR code!!!!!!
I couldnt believe it! These people were needlessly slowing down the process of me getting home and making dinner!
I threw my hands up in disgust whilest saying, " I cant believe it!"
At that exact moment, the person in the car in front of me, made eye contact with me in their rearview mirror...and, with great horror...I realized it was the evil neighbor that lives under me ( best known for her appearence in "okra vs. greenbeans" and "the owner of the evil dog")
meeeeh.
As we drove through the gate ( I did NOT put in my code...but followed her through like a normal person) I tried to decide what to do....drive slowly so that she has time to get home and get in her house?....wait in the car while she gets out, and avoid eye contact until the coast is clear?
I finally decided on a plan I thought had to be foolproof....the famous ( yet never used by me before) trick of the "fake phone conversation"
I arrive at our parking spots, get my phone out and begin my fake conversation as I get out of car and prepare to pass Evil Neighbor on the way to her door....
Me( into my phone): " Ooooh, I KNOW! I couldnt believe it either, *pause for fake person to respond*...mmmmhmmmm...."
( things were going well, and I was almost past E.N. when....
she turns and says :
( remember the hick accent)
EN: Excuse me?
Me: Yes? ( and then into my fake phone: "Hold on just a sec." )
EN: I just wanted to let you know why I didnt go through the gate with the first car....
Me: Oh!? ( trying to act suprised/innocent )
EN: Well, it is the RULES that we put in our OWN code everytime we go through the gate, and they are about to put up SECURITY CAMERAS to make sure everyone does.
Me: (I decide I've left my 'fake friend' hang to long, so I say into the phone again: "hey, hold on a second, ok?") Wow. I didnt realize that!
EN: Yeaaaahh, AAAAAND they are going to start FINEING people that dont put in their code, and...( paused for effect) start SENDING PEOPLE TO JAIL.
Me: (At this point the very shock of her overexaggeration of penalties for gate-miss-use drove me to slam my phone shut): OH! MY! Weeeelllll....I......thank you, so much, for letting me know! ( in my most cheerful telephone voice)
( At this point I get past Evil Neighbor and start heading up stairs, out of danger...but Evil Neighbor...is not through...she begins to elaborate on her threat)
EN: Yeah, and I think they are going to put up fliers really soon about this, so you really need to start following the rules.....
~~~
Ok, so that's pretty much the end of the story, the rest is pretty much as you could imagine: Me finally getting away, and going into my apartment and screaming....
So lets recap:
For ONE THING: How is it even POSSIBLE that after all of the honking at early hours ( she's awakened Katie and I several times when she honks at her dog while sitting in her car watching it run around)...not to mention her evil dog barking at ALL HOURS.... and the endless loud conversations for all to hear....how is it that *I* am the one who end up getting reprommanded by *her* ?!?! How is this POSSIBLE? Where is the justice in that???
For ANOTHER THING: Can you believe, I got caught having roadrage? And then ( probably) got caught having a fake phone call....am I THAT lame? ( the answer is yes)
*sigh* luckily its a really good story...one that is actually much better when I do the accents and handmotions along with it...so the next time you see me at a party, remind me to tell it to you again ;-)
Today, after a loooong day at work where I ate only a little bag of chips and a cupcake, I was insanely irritated and ready to get home and make dinner ( low bloodsugar anyone?) ....I drove into the apartment complex just in time to see two cars in line for the gate...the first one put in the code and we all waited for it to slowly open...and then the inconcievable happened:
The car in front of me DID NOT go on through with the first car, but instead stopped in front of the security box and put in THEIR code!!!!!!
I couldnt believe it! These people were needlessly slowing down the process of me getting home and making dinner!
I threw my hands up in disgust whilest saying, " I cant believe it!"
At that exact moment, the person in the car in front of me, made eye contact with me in their rearview mirror...and, with great horror...I realized it was the evil neighbor that lives under me ( best known for her appearence in "okra vs. greenbeans" and "the owner of the evil dog")
meeeeh.
As we drove through the gate ( I did NOT put in my code...but followed her through like a normal person) I tried to decide what to do....drive slowly so that she has time to get home and get in her house?....wait in the car while she gets out, and avoid eye contact until the coast is clear?
I finally decided on a plan I thought had to be foolproof....the famous ( yet never used by me before) trick of the "fake phone conversation"
I arrive at our parking spots, get my phone out and begin my fake conversation as I get out of car and prepare to pass Evil Neighbor on the way to her door....
Me( into my phone): " Ooooh, I KNOW! I couldnt believe it either, *pause for fake person to respond*...mmmmhmmmm...."
( things were going well, and I was almost past E.N. when....
she turns and says :
( remember the hick accent)
EN: Excuse me?
Me: Yes? ( and then into my fake phone: "Hold on just a sec." )
EN: I just wanted to let you know why I didnt go through the gate with the first car....
Me: Oh!? ( trying to act suprised/innocent )
EN: Well, it is the RULES that we put in our OWN code everytime we go through the gate, and they are about to put up SECURITY CAMERAS to make sure everyone does.
Me: (I decide I've left my 'fake friend' hang to long, so I say into the phone again: "hey, hold on a second, ok?") Wow. I didnt realize that!
EN: Yeaaaahh, AAAAAND they are going to start FINEING people that dont put in their code, and...( paused for effect) start SENDING PEOPLE TO JAIL.
Me: (At this point the very shock of her overexaggeration of penalties for gate-miss-use drove me to slam my phone shut): OH! MY! Weeeelllll....I......thank you, so much, for letting me know! ( in my most cheerful telephone voice)
( At this point I get past Evil Neighbor and start heading up stairs, out of danger...but Evil Neighbor...is not through...she begins to elaborate on her threat)
EN: Yeah, and I think they are going to put up fliers really soon about this, so you really need to start following the rules.....
~~~
Ok, so that's pretty much the end of the story, the rest is pretty much as you could imagine: Me finally getting away, and going into my apartment and screaming....
So lets recap:
For ONE THING: How is it even POSSIBLE that after all of the honking at early hours ( she's awakened Katie and I several times when she honks at her dog while sitting in her car watching it run around)...not to mention her evil dog barking at ALL HOURS.... and the endless loud conversations for all to hear....how is it that *I* am the one who end up getting reprommanded by *her* ?!?! How is this POSSIBLE? Where is the justice in that???
For ANOTHER THING: Can you believe, I got caught having roadrage? And then ( probably) got caught having a fake phone call....am I THAT lame? ( the answer is yes)
*sigh* luckily its a really good story...one that is actually much better when I do the accents and handmotions along with it...so the next time you see me at a party, remind me to tell it to you again ;-)
did I tell you about the time?
Right...so its one of those "work for ten hours straight" days...which means, I'm trying to spread out the internet fun. woo.
But, I just remembered I have a giant rant to share with you, which is exciting...but FIRST ( I am such a tease...you're going to have to stick around for the rant)
Do you ever have those mornings where, somehow your sleep patterns get out of whack and the alarm wakes you up out of a DEEP SLEEP. This morning was one of those mornings..and I was sooo confused when I finally came to...it was like, mommy, do I really have to go to school? where am I? what day is it? do I have a job? Why am I getting up? Seriously, it was crazy pills.
I'm on to my second bout of caffeine, which is bad, since after my bout of insamnia I've been trying to cut back...for instance, yesterday I only had like "this much" coffee...I was so proud of myself.
But, then I almost fell asleep during Gilmore Girls last night...and THAT wouldnt have been good ;-)
OK, so on to my rant...remember a few days ago how I told you to go buy the soundtrack to Elizabethtown instead, if you really wanted to see the movie? WELL, I TAKE IT BACK .
I had been listening to the CD in my car, but then I decided I wanted to listen to it in my room...but, I stuck it in my computer ( which is also my "stereo system" ) and it was like, "NO! we dont LIKE Apple computers, I will make your computer spit me back out!"
Now, this creates several problems...first, I now can ONLY listen to this ( not so great now that I think about it) CD in my car...I cant put it on my ipod because of the stupid "spitting out" thing...which THEY ( as in Sony productions) say is some sort of anti-pirating device...which I appreciate and yet DOUBT, since the CD plays JUST FINE on a PC...meaning, I could probably rip the CD if I really put my mind to it...and yet, now I am just in DISGUST.
I feel like, as the rightful owner of this CD, I should be able to play it however I feel...and one such way is on my MP3 player...yes, Sony is evil...they are so very obviously BAD LOSERS...I learned ( from my father who is knowledgable on the subject) that Sony has boycotted Apple and Apple products, so that all of their products do not work along side mac/apple products...not only is the spiteful, but also bad business sense...because, I AM RETURNING THIS CRAP CD TO TARGET.
Stay tuned for my annual ode to Journals....woooo
October 18, 2005
A reminder ...
Without question, this is the great mystery of our faith:
Christ was revealed in the flesh
and was shown to be righteous by the Spirit.
He was beheld by angels
and was proclaimed among the nations.
He was believed in the world
and was taken up into heaven. ( I Tim. 3:16)
Christ was revealed in the flesh
and was shown to be righteous by the Spirit.
He was beheld by angels
and was proclaimed among the nations.
He was believed in the world
and was taken up into heaven. ( I Tim. 3:16)
1pm tradeoff...
So, while I DID have to work both Saturday and Sunday ( making me miss both Sunday morning services!meh) and this coming weekend will be MORE of the same...I DO get to leave work at 1PM both today and friday...which, really, almost makes it worth it ;-)
*sigh* except for the missing church part-which is really never worth it. I dont think I REALLY realize just how important church is to my spirit until I miss it...and then, well, its like night and day.
But, God has been SO good already this week...a great weight was lifted off last night, and I am STILL running on happy because of it! Seriously, do you ever just realize how NOT worthy you are of a particular blessing? Even if its something tiny like making a conversation with a difficult person easier?
So, lets do a little emotional rundown of how I'm doing: pretty good, have gotten over the most recent bout of homesickness for New Zealand...one really nice thing has been getting to talk to Sam on MSN more...the child is a crack up and it does me great good. I also got to talk to Penny on the phone on Saturday night ( even though, I really SHOULD have been sleeping instead of talking )...I know that is shows how insecure I really am, but it always surprises me when other people say they miss me. I dont know, its a shock-I always figure its just on MY end! :-P
At the moment I'm eating multi-grain cheerios and drinking lots of water..they make me thirsty...I am working on a giant rant against Sony which I will be sharing with you in the next couple of days...as well as an annual rant about the joys of writing in a journal...and the even greater joy of starting a new journal after filling one up....
I am looking forward to going home and reading Lord of the Rings in bed for several hours...I really wish it wasnt 10:30....1PM seems so far away.
October 17, 2005
an open letter to my brother-in-law
I just sent this letter to my brother-in-law, and after writing it I decided others might be interested in it as well...really, its a question I would love to see everyone answer: What are your top five favorite books? Or if you're like me...and cant narrow it down..."what are the books that have influenced you the most over the years?"
Think about it and let me know....
Dear Ryan,
I have been meaning to write you for quite some time in regards to your request for my five favorite books...
At first, I didnt really think it was necessary to send you such a list, since you've most likely read ALL of the books on my list-buuuut, then Anna told me that it didnt really matter...and besides, it will be fun to document this!
In thinking about it, I dont know if I can keep this to five...but we'll see!
Instead of making a list of just my favorite books, this will also be a list of the books that have influenced me the most, and the books that made the biggest impression on me...
Calvin and Hobbes, By Bill Watterson
OK, suuuure this is technically a comicstrip. But I can truly give C&H credit for teaching me to read. In first grade I was actually in one of the lower reading groups in my class...and I actually struggled with it. Since I was the child, I dont really know what my parents and teachers attributed this to, but all *I* remember is that it was a chore to read...until I discovered Calvin and Hobbes...we had several books of these comic strips laying around the house, and I distinctly remember always wanting someone to read them to me...for some reason, no one ever would...so I would actually sit for long periods of time, looking at the pictures...sounding out the words...it did wonders for my reading skills-and I havent stopped since ;-)
Brambly Hedge: The Season Stories, By Jill Barklem: I LOVE(D) these stories...there are actually only four little stories...and they are pretty simple. Basically its about families of mice who live in the trunks and roots of these trees...the thing I sooo enjoyed about these books were the pictures. Barklem was also a very talented illustrator-basically there were these really intricate drawings of the inside of the trees....you could see all the little rooms and the furniture, in some of the pictures you could see the mice going about their day to day lives...ooooh maaaan, I use to sit and stare at those pictures for HOURS...making up my own stories about the mice that lived in the trees.
The Blue Sword By Robin McKinley...I use to read Robin McKinley's books over and over...adventure/fantasy books...that had NO literary value except that they were fun stories.
The Lord of the Rings By JRR Tolkien...I put this in here, only because that is when I first started reading them myself ( mama had probably read them out loud to me by the time I was 8)But...the love for them lives on....ooooh maaaan, I am reading them again at the moment-because I plan to teach my mothers class for a day on this subject...so I'm taking it really slow, savoring the words...stopping to highlight passages ( something I hate to do, because it gets you out of the groove of reading) and marking pages...but its WONDERFUL...
in fact, I havent gotten far and I already have a little collection of quotes that struck my fancy..
The Giver By Lois Lowry: I havent read this one in YEARS...and now that I think about it I should really give it another go...but the reason I put it on my list is what reading the book did to me:
First of all, the book was suggested to me by my fifth grade english teacher, who said that she had just finished reading it herself, and she thought I might really like it, since I was "advanced for my age" and was bored with the other books we were reading at the time. Now, I am sure The Giver is probably right at a fifth grade level. But, my teacher was clever and she probably knew what she was really giving me at the time...in a really difficult time in my life: confidence. I read the book...and loved it. In fact, I was going out of town with my mother that weekend-to cleburne, just the two of us for some reason...and i ended up reading it out loud to her in the car. I remember us discussing it a lot, all the themes that the book brought up...its the first time I remember really criticing a book and using a book to provoke thoughts about other subjects such as society or government or whatever. Anyway, in that respect I will always love this book. I will mark it as an important beginning in my love of literature. ( And the habit of discussing books with my mother ;-) )
Pride and Prejudice By Jane Austen. Now, it has been duely noted by many that P&P is one of the greatest romances of all times, and yet...after reading it a couple dozen times...I would have to go further and say its also an almost perfect piece of literature. Austen was truly a genius of character studies...and everytime I read this book, I laugh at something new...notice one of her many subtle observations of aristocrates of the day...but, then...even though she seemed to write it for her time period...somehow, its a timeless work...why? Well, I guess its true that human nature hasnt changed much over the years.
Amy Carmichael of Dohnavur By: Frank Houghton...Here's a book, I dont think I've read enough. Man is it convicting ( probably why I dont read it as much as I should)! And the three or so times I HAVE read it, I havent been able to put it down...Ol' Houghton really captured her life in such a readable manner...and yet, put so much of her work into it as well...its really perfect as far as Biographies go...
Theodore Roosevelt’s Letters to His Children Ed: Bishop Joseph Bucklin
Now, I am a huge fan of reading old letters, and this has to be one of the coolest complilations of letters...It really made you love Teddy...and his children. The letters range from lessons on life to just general comments about the dog or some lizards that Teddy saw while visiting soldiers at a fort somewhere.
A Tale of Two Cities By Charles Dickens
Here's another one of those books that suprised me when I read it for the first time, which was probably when I was around 15. It was the first time I really started to see how an author could express all sort of emotions, could practically manipulate the reader into flowing with the story almost seamlessly...I was in shock by the pure genius of it, and I think it was probably the first time I realized what a "classic" really was. Another thing about this book-was I remember being in class and the teacher had put us into groups to discuss something about it and then left the room...it seemed that no one else had really gotten the point of the chapter we had just read, and I remember being in shock that no one else had seen the genius...I am sad to say, I got up in front of the room and "explained it to them" for a good ten minutes before the teacher got back! hahaha.
Macbeth By William Shakespeare
I read this in my junior year in highschool...and i think it was the first time I realize how great Shakespeare really was...I mean, I had already read Romeo and Juliet and Julius Ceasar...but, probably because of the teacher that taught Macbeth...I finally realized what all the fuss was about. This play along with A Tale of Two Cities...helped me to learn to read, not just for the story or the entertainment value...but for the artistic value of the book in question. Also, It was probably then that I first gained my love of Renissance literature ( which I then studied in University exstensively)
| The Heavenly Man: The Remarkable True Story of Chinese Christian Brother Yunby Paul Hattaway, The Cross and the Switchblade By David Wilkerson, Tramp for the Lord By Corrie Ten Boom and God's Smugglers By Brother Andrew I lump all of these books together, not because they are anything alike...but they did all impact my life in a huge way when I read them...scattered througout my teen years and then into my university years...these books seemed to come to me at just the right time, changing my view of life, rekindling my heart to pray...especially pray for the Lost and for the missionaries that struggle to reach them...I've read each of these books at least twice-and I feel sure they will continue to speak to me afresh in the future.
Well, I've already listed waaay more than the five books requested...so I shall stop for now. Hopefully this list either reminds you of books that have changed you, and maybe even given you some suggestions for books to read ( or reread in the future)
God Bless, Abigail
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