The Swing

I feel like its been so long since I've posted a post worth posting-but the only way to make that happen again is practice practice practice. ( or something).

So, without further ado. My weekend at the Navigator "Ignite" Conference. It was basically a gathering of the NorthWest Navigator ministries, mostly geared towards the campus ministries, but with workshops and such- with a lot of input from the Seattle Metro ministries...and of course the Military ministry provided....ummmm....we provided the most people, and the LOUDEST people ( our group was definitely the most opinionated, outspoken group of the bunch...)-which doesn't it make sense that I'd be a part of that group?!

The weekend turned out to be personally rewarding not because of the main speaker, or the worship or the really awesome food or "goodie bags" or even the fabulous hotel...I got the most out of talking with the Navigator staff members who were there at the conference, I learned about some of the other ministries that the Navs have to offer and I was delighted to find that I can now recommend any number of options to people who want to get plugged into a Christian community that is going to be Bible based and discipleship focused...options that pretty much meet people in ALL sorts of walks and seasons of life. Pretty cool!


This weekend I also felt affirmation that my desire to see more prayer within the Fort Lewis ministry was definitely something that needs to happen and that I should not be afraid to do what I can to see that into a reality. I have always felt passionate about prayer, but I have felt a re-igniting of that over the past few weeks and this weekend was big encouragement that I needed...
Funny story, I was assigned to lead a small group discussion at the end of each day of the conference and the first night I arrived at my small group to find that I had an older guy mixed in with my girls. Weird. But I just went with it ( apparently all the groups were suppose to be a "mix" but mine was a bit one sided)....I then went ahead with what I had planned and ended my small group with a prayer time and before we prayed I made a small little appeal for them to not be afraid to sit and silence and just listen to what the Holy Spirit might have to say ( I've found that there is a sad lack of 'waiting upon the lord' up here)....weeelllll, it didn't take very long into the prayer time to realize that this dude could pray(!) and lucky for me ( or I would NOT have made my lame-o appeal about prayer ) I found out AFTER the group was over for the night that this dude was Nav Staff and he and his wife were running the workshop on Prayer the next day! HA!
Anyway, I went to their workshop and it was SO wonderful to hear what they had to say...sometimes even just hearing Truths you know, but haven't heard spoken out loud in a while is JUST what the heart needs ....
The next night the Dude brought his wife along to our small group study and we got to talking about the Fort Lewis girls ministry....I am now excited that I have this new contact close by ( they run the Spectrum Asian American ministry in Seattle) that I can us as an added resource and encouragement this year! I feel like this is just ONE MORE affirmation that the Lord is here with me and that He WILL not just leave me to my own devises...but that my desire to learn more about ministry is really going to happen! I think I might actually get TAUGHT! Woo hoo!

The other great thing about this weekend was just getting to spend some more quality time with a hand full ( only four of us went) of the girls.... especially with Katie, who is a dear friend who I have missed so much over the past six months!

So, all in all, it was a perfect weekend and all that I could have wanted as a nice "kick off" to my time here at Fort Lewis.

The other thing I decided over the weekend was how I want to start my job search:
Three resumes...three coffee shops ( that's the ones here in Dupont, and yes that includes the Evil Corporation)....praying hard and hope for an opening!

24 (hours)

I'm currently watching 24 on DVD with Bethany...in my living room....you know what THIS means?! It means my computer is working again.

Those Apple Genius people are my heros. I didn't have to buy anything ( at least not yet).

I'll be blogging again very soon!

boring facts.

I'm currently using the Fancy-Pants Club House computers. And even though I don't really have anything to blog about I thought I'd drop you a line nonetheless just so you wouldn't forget me.

I'm hoping against hope that I will have my own computer sorted out over the weekend and I'll be able to be back on line 24/7 in the very near future.

I'm starting to settle into my new place. I'm pretty much completely unpacked, which is fabulous. I really can't tell you how wonderful it is to have a kitchen all to myself again! YAY!

And I'm beginning to get use to living alone again. So far it hasn't been too bad since I've been getting back into the swing of ministry coffee dates, I've actually been pretty busy-but today I really have nothing going on and I've had to fight the urge to stay productive. I'm praying that my job search ( that begins next week!) will go quickly...so I don't have TOO MUCH free time on my hands.

Nor

I don't like blogging from my phone, but this was too good.... The second half of a verse struck me tonight:
"...nor do we know what to do, but our eyes are on You."
2 Chrn 20:12

That's exactly how I feel these days...

All ruffled

So, on Saturday I moved.

It sounds all nice and tidy and in the end I guess it was....I had a whole hand full of able bodied boys ( some I didn't even know! Gotta love "ministry boys") that moved everything, and Mike came through one more time to drive the moving van for me-so I literally didn't lift a finger...but there was a LOT of stress, stress about the apartment, stress about the moving van ( the company I booked with didn't have a truck for me ( BUDGET CAR RENTALS IS EVIL DON'T USE THEM!!!) leaving Mike and I driving around frantically calling every place in town)...and generally me being uptight.

But, yes, end of the day everything was well...and I was walking around a nice and shiny new fancy-pants apartment in a lovely little pleasantville town with all my wonderful belongings that I hadn't seen in six months piled around me...and all I wanted to do was cry.

I missed Brett so terribly in those moments it was hard to breathe. I think I thought that I had cheated that feeling by not moving into the same location and starting "over afresh"...but basically by cheating one feeling I allowed a new, horrible feeling to enter...the feeling of doing something new, starting something new without Brett there to enjoy it, be a part of it...it was hard.

But, I was reminded that this year is not about Brett or me...or us being apart. It's all about God and what He wants to do in our lives. He is loving and infinitely good. He has proved SO much for me in the past week, and while it makes me nervous that everthing has happened so FAST ( have I made a mistake by moving into fancy-pants two bedroom apartment?! Did they cheat me?!)...I know that ultimately I have a grand protector over all the details and that I must instead focus on serving Him here in this community and leave all those details up to Him!

I am already seeing the opportunities to serve and I'm excited about them....
Of course, tomorrow is full of all those "details" I just talked about-taking my car into the shop, trying to unpack, getting my address changed etc. etc....but HOPEFULLY I will remember where to put my real focus and therefore stay calm and in praise for a God who takes care of all his little birdies. ( Matt 6:26)

Sadly, now that I have officially moved I do not have access to Amy's awesome laptop any longer...so I am limited to my iphone for internet access for the time being until I get my computer fixed ( or a new one)-sooOOooOOo if I dont email you, blog, reply to your facebook comments please do not be offended. I may be offline for a bit.

Until next time.

waaaait for it...

So, I waited allllll day for the fancy-pants apartment to call and tell me that we were a "Go" for move-in tomorrow.

I didn't get said call until 5:40pm. That's right. FIVE FOURTY.

Lots of sweating it out on that one! Way to make me wait, Fancy Pants People! Way to make me reeeeeeally want it.

But, all turned out in the end and while I'm a tad nervous about the moving process tomorrow...I'm mostly EXCITED!! YAY!!! I'm finally going to have my very own home again. :-)

I can't tell you how happy that makes me. Of course, its times like these that make me miss Brett terribly. It's definitely hard to figure out how to live a life without him. I find that anything major that happens-good or bad-all I want to do is have him there with me...
********

Ok, before I shed any tears-let me go ahead and tell you that if you get the chance you MUST SEE Slumdog Millionaire-this is the most feel good, touching movie I've seen all year! I'm sad that this movie has had limited release here in the states-but I'm hoping that if it does well during award season that it'll get more promotion, because I know you'll all love it. ( me and the three retired ladies in the movie theatre with me totally enjoyed it!)

these things happen...

So, last night ( to recap) I had a blow out on my front tire and today I went to get it fixed. And as I left the tire dude flagged me down and fatherly-suggested that I get my breaks looked at as soon as possible because they were "acting a bit weird"....I had noticed this too, but I'd only been back a day for heaven's sake! And I had just assumed I was driving funny because I wasn't use to my car. *sigh* But, I guess that was too optimistic so I went and made an appointment for my car to be seen at the Toyota Dealership on Monday ( my car is still under warranty for another 4000 miles, whew!). I am now going to be THANKFUL that ( like an idiot) I hadn't rotated my tires before driving long distances and therefore prematurely needing two new tires, and therefore having someone tell me that I needed to get my car checked out all before the warranty runs out....so....yes. I suppose those are GOOD things.

So, I suppose the whole sentiment that when it rains it pours is true-especially since it has literally NOT stopped raining since I got back here on Monday night. Not helping things!

I did however fill out an application for the fancy-pants apartment today. Hopefully that will be approved ( thanks to my husband and HIS income. meh!) and I will be able to move in on Saturday or something ( honestly, PLEASE stop RAINING!!!).

At least the apartment already has a nice name ( fany-pants has a certain ring to it) and if all goes well and I get it-then I am already starting to pray that God would use the fancy-pants apartment for His good work and that I can bless LOTS of people in it! I can hardly wait to have my own kitchen again! YAY!
Cookies anyone?

Positive things about the day:
A long overdue chat with Lydia, A pedi-date with Amy, and making dinner with Leah. Friends a great blessing

the straw

The last straw:

I was driving to Bible Study in pour down rain ( who says that it only "drizzles in Washington" should be shot) and all of a sudden BAM!!!
And after I had checked myself to see if I had been shot, I became aware of the fact that my car was making a Thumpity-thumpity sound and sure enough my front right tire had given up on life as we know it.

( have you noticed a theme among my most expensive posessions?! They have all decided to give up on life at once!!!)

Anyway, the good things about this situation were:
I was just about to pull into bible study so I was able to drive into saftey.
Mike Wright was just dropping off Katie at Bible Study and changed my tire in the rain. God bless him.

So, the whole thing brought me to tears....mostly because I felt so little. I felt like a little kid trying to "play adult" and all I'd gotten was a flat tire and a bunch of un-answer life questions....I still didn't know what to do about the apartment or annnnything.

But, you know what? The tire thing did remind me that while God didn't stop the bad thing from happening-He did protect me and bless me through it...and I know He will not stop with just a tire!

Side of reality and an order of life

Last night I arrived in Washington, settled in at Amy and Luke's and went to bed totally exausted and then I started to think....and thus several hours past of me wondering what in the world I was doing here.
I mean, sure it all made sense months ago, and it even made sense weeks ago, and technically it made sense yesterday...and even sorta kinda made sense in the moment...I just didn't feel it AT ALL.

I mean, I have no idea what I'm doing.

Today I got up, shed a few tears and then headed out to find an apartment ( first order of business)...I visited three places before 11 and started to feel a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. None of the places made me happy. In fact, none of the places that made me even remotely happy were even CLOSE to being ready in the next month-so I took a much needed break and had coffee, lunch and another coffee with Cindy ( and Andrew for a little bit) and that helped to put my mind at ease that I at LEAST had things to look forward to regarding the Navigator ministry here, which, lets be honest was the major reason for returning...
Yeah...

Looking back on that now I can see why God had me divide my day with time with them, it helped to remind me why I'm here.

After my "break" I went back to looking at apartments, this time it was at the fancy-pants apartments in Dupont ( Pleasantville, USA) that had told me over the phone that they didn't have any openings until February. However, I went and looked at the beautiful two bedroom that would be avaliable next month and I pleaded with the lady that I wanted something sooner...and then I left and I washed my hands of the whole "search for a place to live" for the day and went to the Px with Amy. And there we were in the Px and the lady at the fancy-pants place called me back and said that someone had fallen through and that I could literally move in tomorrow ( if I could move that fast)-but of course, it was in the "second tier" apartments thus more expensive...

Annnnyway, long day...and now I'm faced with some prayer concerning a fancy apartment with lots of room and a bedroom and bathroom that I don't need....

Long day.

Trying to take deep breaths.

Real World: Washington

Wow. I'm actually pretty shocked at how quickly my time here in Texas went! But, sadly, it is over and I am struggling to remember my reasons for moving back to Washington- with the snow and the darkness and the lack of family and the no home thing....
But, then again I seem to be striving for a life of 'lack of comfort' and so far this is a success!
So tomorrow I start my travel ( flying not driving this time yay!) and I'm praying hard that weather and stupid airport don't cramp my style ( and by style I mean no delays and arriving on time ).... Oh, and my computer's wireless card has said 'Thank you, and good night !' to the world as we know it, leaving me to type this blog on my iPhone and the need for a new computer at a very inconvient time....so if you don't get email or message replis from me in the next wee while- this is why. Typing with one finger cramps ones writing style- quite literally! So there you have it my friends, off on a new adventure....Updates of the exciting and not-so-exciting nature to come!

2008 in Review

In honor of the new year, I have looked back on a year of blogging and found that there is much to be thankful for, much praise to be given to a Father who indeed does guide our paths.... Without further ado: 2008

January: I was given the "surprise" of being handed the reigns to the girls ministry with the Navigators at Fort Lewis. I was overwhelmed and under qualified. The best way to start any endeavor. I continued to process what it meant to be an Army Wife ( aka. dealing with either a sleepy-tired husband or an absent one). This was the month I decided to have "more girl friends" and incidently became friends with Amy....so that worked out rather well, I suppose.

February: I spent the month throwing parties, attending parties and doing all this while being sick. Or at least that's how it seemed. It is true that I threw a lot of "gatherings" in February which basically just meant that whole "making more girl friends" meant that we doubled our friends and therefore doubled our social circle. Makes for Busy Times in the Wilson house hold. Oh, and yeah...who's surprised about the sick thing? I'm always sick.

March: In march I found my favorite recipe of Brett and my marriage thus far ( of course, my current favorite is Cindy's Enchilada Soup, but I've only had that one two months so we'll have to wait and see...) Easy Indian Samosas. Honestly, best thing ever! In fact, this month I did a lot of cooking and baking and I also watched a lot of Angel and Buffy the Vampire Slayer in between cooking. This was mostly because once again I was faced with my husband being gone. A. Lot. However, we were greatly encouraged by seeing some Spiritual Growth and hunger among the guys he was working with, a much needed boost.

April: While April was the month Brett and I found out he was going to be put on a MiTT team, I went to Texas for my sister's 30th Birthday, Brett and I went to an international soccer match, I got sick ( again), we finally reached the end of the FIVE seasons of Babylon Five that we'd been watching since the new year, and I made my first pie from scratch, Emma and Lydia visited from New Zealand, and we found out we were moving to Kansas... but by far the most crazy thing that happened in April was that some woman thought I was pregnant. yay. ( whoa, April was CRAZY!)

May: Brett and I attended a Hawaii-Mystery-Theme Party, I doubted my abilities to lead a growing girls ministry, we watched the Stroud kids play t-ball, and I continued to love my job at the coffee shop. We continued to deal with the Army's horrible way of springing things on you, Washington had some beautiful weather and we enjoyed it. Oh, and I had a kidney stone.

June: I started to feel more "calm" about our future regarding Kansas, June decided to be full of rain and 60 degree weather making me mad, we entertained my sister and her husband as well as Steve and Billie while they attended a Guitar building Conference and went and saw Mt. Rainier and Mt. Saint Helens with them at the end of their stay. I started to prepare to pack up our apartment by collecting boxes and not buying groceries. One worked better than the other. The girls ministry starts to blow up and more and more girls seem to come each week-a perfect time for TWO people to take over from the ONE me....

July: I went "camping" for the first time ever. Spent the 4th with friends eating homemade ice cream and experiencing one of the most amazing fireworks displays over puget sound. I dealt with the headache of packing up a house full of belongings and literal headaches ( lots of migraines this month). And in between all the packing, we went to an all day concert in Seattle, visited Snoqualmie Falls with friends and took a weekend trip to Canada's Victoria Island for our one year anniversary, none of which stopped me from turning into a giant Monster from all the horrible packing...of course, after the whirlwind of packing and moving we jumped on a plane and went to Texas for a much needed "break" from life where Brett said goodbye to even more family and friends.

August: Started the month out in Texas, and from there we flew back to Washington, moved our stuff into storage and hit the open road with brother Josh and Aunt Donnave heading to Kansas. We had lots of surprises in August, Kansas was not ugly, our living situation was awesome, Brett's job required lots less "working hours" and all in all adjusting to life without a job or friends or really anything to speak of was a lot easier for me than I would have thought. In short God was handing out Grace and Mercy at the door of Kansas.

September: I started volunteering at the Senior Center doing meals on wheels twice a week, I began going to the PWOC women's bible study on Fort Riley, Brett got into the swing of his new "work/training" schedule. I finally officially changed my name from Abigail Abt to Abigail Wilson with the United States Government. And Brett and I watched our lives slow waaaay way down and enjoyed every second of it.

October:I enjoyed Real Live Fall weather in Kansas while stressing about Nov-December and what I would do once Brett left ( Go to China? Teach English in a high school? Final Answer: none of the above). Brett and I spent a long, glorious weekend in Kansas City where he bought an ipod touch and I got my iphone-buyer remorse soon followed. Brett headed off to California for the end of his training, I headed off to Washington for a 'visit/doctors appointment'. Brett's deployment started to sink in and I cried tons.

November: Brett and I returned to Kansas for one final week and a half together before deploying. It turned out to be as perfect as such a week could ever be, in short it was a miracle. Brett left for Afghanistan, I pulled myself together. Papa and I drove from Kansas to Washington and then flew to Texas all in four days time, where I then let out a long sigh of relief and cried a little. Celebrated my 25 birthday with the birth of my friends Katie and Thomas's daughter Eden. I learned slowly how to deal with a Long Distance Husband. Celebrated Thanksgiving with both sets of family and went to rehearsals for the Messiah.

December: went to a wedding, a funeral and spent a lot of time with family. I rekindled old and new friendships and let a few old things pass away. Celebrated yet another holiday away from Brett,but also found that grace abounds in all situations and whether facing new marriages or the passing of a dear one- He is near.

"the movie is better"

So, thanks to those who gave your movie recommendations! Such fun! And you all had good ones, it was definitely hard to pick-especially since Brett and I are great lovers of books ( and movies)...but in the end we decided on Peter Pan, and this version in particular because it does much greater justice to the book ( which is beautiful) and I think this movie is also...if you haven't seen it, I think you'll like-I think it strikes at the heart of a child's desire for 'fairy tale' and imagination as well as the struggle to grow up-which, lets face it, I still struggle with. ;-)

The other movie picks this time were FireFox, with Clint Eastwood, which my brother-in-law picked, and it was an enjoyable little spy/action flick-and I probably wouldn't have watched it if I hadn't been at this movie event, so that's always nice.... broadening the horizons or something.
My parents chose Enchanted April, which was a nice change of pace-basically this movie is the earlier counterpart to all those "Under the Tuscan Sun" and "A Good Year" kind of movies about going on an Italian vacation to 'find what's missing'-this movie is sadly not out on DVD in the USA ( only VHS!)-but my readers in NZ are in luck! It is out where you are, strangely enough...but, I will say this...if you want a really wonderful entertaining/light-hearted/comical/romantic novel to read on your next rainy day or beach vacation-go get any of Elizabeth von Arnim's books, I promise you will not be disappointed!
Steve and Billie chose The Bourne Identity, which Steve had stayed up late for a week to read so that he could use it for his choice ( he got the Most Dedicated the the Marathon Award for this!), and of course it was worth it-the Bourne movies are soooo good, and I stand by the fact that the Bourne Identity is the best one because the film makers did not insist upon doing that jumpy all over the place shooting style that leaves me dizzy and carsick. Great movie.
And then, we ended with the "Bonus Movie" which both Ryan and Brett had wanted to watch, The Count of Monte Cristo-which is the perfect action/adventure to end the evening on! And while its hard for me to recommend this book since I havent read it ( you'll have to ask Brett on this one!), I DO recommend this movie, I find it satisfying every time I watch it!

So there you go! I ate more today than I did on Thanksgiving and Christmas combined-mostly because I never say no to Pizza and cheese balls....or chocolate for that matter-and we somehow ended up with leftovers even after 12 hours of movies and eating ( we had to take a break to walk around the block two times! hahaha!) ....but I suggest all of you start Movie Marathon Leftover Parties whereever you are, I promise it'll be a hit! ;-)

Time in a Bottle

As of today, I have exactly one week left in Texas before heading off into the unknown abyss that is shaped like Washington State. Well, that might be a little too dramatic-Not everything is unknown, I know that I'm suppose to go back to Washington because I need to continue to learn from the Navigator ministry at Fort Leiws and from the many good friends that Brett and I made during our time living there, I also know its rainy and dark and cold in the winter ( and apparently snowy this time around!) I know that the summers have long long days ( which is great) and that I'll be able to eat Indian food any time I want. So, some things are known. The unknown things just consist of those pesky little problems like "a place to live" and a "job", but I'm sure it'll all happen just as it should. So, until that adventure starts lets finish this one strong:

I can hardly believe that I've been in Texas for a month and a half! How wonderful to be able to tick that time of Brett being away surrounded by such Texas Loving! But, I'm not leaving quite yet, and I still have a few more good times left to go- For instance, today is the annual Movie Marathon and Leftovers Party...which is a highly intricate and involved party that has rules and such. Basically, each year we come up with a theme ( last year it was science fiction...obviously it was the boys year to pick) and then each "family unit" picks a film and then we all get together and watch our picks and eat all the leftovers we have from Christmas and beyond. This year the theme is "Book to Film Movie Adaptations"- Brett and I have already picked out our movie, but I'm curious to hear what YOU would want to watch....the only rule was that you had to have read the book and no comic books allowed ( this was mostly because we'll more than likely have a comic book year in the future)..... tell me your picks! Picking the perfect film is half the fun!!

Anyway, I'm putting on my stretchy yoga pants ( so I can eat more in comfort) and headed out for my day of fun, I only wish Brett could be here. I get little waves of sadness and missing him, but I think overall that's probably good and normal.

Retro(spect)

So, I just "edited" ( as in formated it so that it would be printable) Brett's thank you letter to my church here in Nacogdoches. (They sent him four boxes jam packed with yummy things and gifts of love that lifted his spirits)....Anyway, his letter is beautiful and everyone who is lucky enough to get his mass emails is so in for treats in this coming year ( and if you DON'T get them, feel free to let me know, and I'll make sure you get one)....this is one of the many hundred million reasons why I'm glad he's my husband. His heart is reflected in his written word.

He's the greatest. His heart is why I married him.

one for the road..

Some mouth open pictures can not be helped...this one is hysterical.

Glory Revealed

Comfort, comfort my people,
says your God.
Speak tenderly to Jerusalem,
and proclaim to her
that her hard service has been completed,
that her sin has been paid for,
that she has received from the LORD's hand
double for all her sins.
A voice of one calling:
"In the desert prepare
the way for the LORD ;
make straight in the wilderness
a highway for our God.
Every valley shall be raised up,
every mountain and hill made low;
the rough ground shall become level,
the rugged places a plain.
And the glory of the LORD will be revealed,
and all mankind together will see it.
For the mouth of the LORD has spoken

And so it was....Merry Christmas, my dearest Blog-Readers.

Suitcase living.

I'm currently living out of a suitcase. Although, I've mostly unpacked the suitcases and most of my clothes are hanging in a closet. However, I still have things like PJs and undies that really have no need to be hung up and so I have fashioned one of my suitcases into a "drawer". And this brings me to my point. I'm terrible with drawers.
No matter how big the drawer might be, or how little I might have to actually put into a drawer, or how organized I might be, or how tidy I might have everything folded- I always end up with an incredibly MESSY drawer. Always. It does not take long for everything to get all bunched up together and stuffed in, then things start getting "losted" at the bottom and other things start to get more and more wrinkly and therefore I wear them less and less ( because everyone hates to iron!!)...thus are the state of my drawers.

But, I'm starting to think that it is also the state of other parts of my life too....
I think its time to take everything out and look at it, spread out all the worries and the wrinkles and then put it back in its proper place.

Literally Speechless

Last night my current cold took me to a new level and I lost my voice. Straight up, I was left with nothing but a squeak and a whisper. And today, today is no better. The worst part is that Brett called me this morning, after several days of not hearing from him, and all I could do was whisper into the phone. I think he could hear me relatively well, but its actually HARD to whisper loudly for long spirts of time. And its especially hard when you're talking to your husband and you really just want him to be next to you.

The end.

No, not really....really, the saddest thing about this past week is that I'm trying to write Brett my weekly "Sunday Letter", which I usually fill with all the spiritual insights that I get throughout the week, as well as all the things that I have not either already blogger about or told him about over the phone ( as you can imagine that's hard to come up with!), but this week....this week, I've got nothing! I've totally dried up on Spiritual insight. Which, is of course, my own fault. I'd like to blame the fact that I've had some variation of head cold all week long, but that's not a good reason. And now, now I'm left without either of my voices. The writers voice and the speaking one! :-(

nostalgia

Tomorrow the Abt Family Four are driving to Cleburne Texas. This is significant on several levels. We have probably not been anywhere just the four of us since 2000 ( the year Anna got married). And going to Cleburne in December is seriously one of the clearest family memories of my youth.
Cleburne, Texas is where my Dad's family always was and it was where I personified Christmas in the form of Aunts and Uncles and Cousins and Grandmother and Granddangy ( although he was always slightly scary).
Anyway, I'm kind of excited about just having the four of us take a car trip together, and I'm excited about McDonalds breakfast ( which is an important part of roadtriping in my family) and I'm excited about seeing wonderful family whom I love. And I'm excited about Christmas.

Today, I watched Elf until I fell asleep half way though ( I totally blame my cold, because I totally love this movie and had no reason to fall asleep.), but I think this movie deserves serious props for jumping so quickly into my "classic christmas movie" section. But, oh how delightful Will Farrell is as Buddy the Elf! How delighted and happy and cheerful he is!

If you haven't seen this movie this Christmas season I suggest you go watch it pronto, it'll make you smile. ( besides, Baby, its Cold Outside is my current favorite holiday song-and the version in this movie is extra great.)

Boxed in.

-I am not good at wrapping presents. I need to take a class or something to teach me how to make them look a pretty like they do in the stores. :-(

-I sent Brett a package when he first got to A-stan and he thought he was going to be in one place and then, surprise! things changed...so of course, yesterday, I got that box back...it was battered and beaten and had obviously been to hell and back, yet...there it was with all the goodies still inside. I suppose I'm happy I got it back, but it makes me sad that it'll be another month before Brett sees it.

-My cold is still going strong. Last night it woke me up every few hours because of the lack of oxygen. Apparently breathing does not come so naturally after all.

-Today I'm cooking curry. Take that you silly sinuses!

-I'm worried that my last few christmas presents aren't going to arrive in time! BOOOO!

-I'm going to visit my Aunt Donnave and Uncle Jim on Saturday. I'm excited not only to see them, but that my sister is now coming too! It's a real party now!

-I have had to many days and too few quiet times. This does not equal greatness.

Swallow.

It happened. I caught a winter cold. I was so hoping this wouldn't happen...and I've been taking vitamins religiously, but somehow I came in contact with some wayward germ on Sunday and woke up with a sore throat yesterday. Blah. Today its gotten so intense, I stop everything I do to swallow and then wince.
I hate it when it hurts to swallow. How many times to do you really need to swallow in day?! Answer: too many.

In other news its cold everywhere today. Each morning I wake up and I check the weather on my phone. My phone has this feature where you add the weather forecast of all the places you want to keep up with, therefore I check the weather here in Texas, followed by where Brett is in A-stan, followed by Washington ( because I get immense satisfaction of knowing that I'm missing out on bad weather...hahaha!), followed by Kansas ( this is only because I just haven't gotten around to taking it off my list).....Anyway, today it is cold in ALL these places, and if I were not bent upon going to the Senior Center with my grandfather for lunch I would totally stay in bed all day long reading my book. But, who can pass up good company and Senior Center action?! Not I.

Besides there are errands to run, and important things to be mailed. ;-)

Behind Door Number One...

So, yesterday I was talking to an old boss and he asked me to do a little favor/work for him back at the job I had in 2004-2005....and I accepted, not just because I really like this particular boss, and now consider him a good friend, and doing a favor for him on a not-so-busy day seemed like a good thing, but also because I felt like it was "important"...and it turned out to be just that....I learned a little lesson!

Now, to learn this lesson properly I had to look behind a door that God had closed in my life, the door of a past job....In chatting with my former boss I learned a lot about the time that transpired after I left three years ago ( whoa!) and in my mind throughout the whole conversation- I was thanking God that I left when I did! And then, on the drive home I started to think about all the other jobs that God has given me over the years and then consequentially "taken away"....and I was delighted to see His beautiful provision for me! With each job I saw that while it has served me terribly well while I was there ( I am happy to say I've had good experiences at all my jobs so far), the job seemed to take a significant turn every time I left..... job descriptions changed, money got tight, positions and businesses changed hands...all in all, I am truly amazed that while at the time I only saw that my door was shutting, I had NO IDEA why it was shutting and yet now I can look back and see just how perfect God's plan really was! In fact, more than ever it makes me feel like each of the jobs I've had have been more than just "work" or a "way to pay the bills"...but a perfect little package wrapped up for me at just the time and place that I needed it.
For instance, at this particular job that I revisited today...I was given tons o' free time and therefore had all kinds of time to blog and write emails-thus snaring a certain husband ( in the long run)...awesome.

hahaha!

This little lesson encouraged me greatly, it encouraged me for A and for T, both of whom are dealing with various "job woes" at the moment...that God has a reason and a plan for both of them...and selfishly, it encouraged me for my own future. I am down right excited to see what adventure-job wise- God is going to take me on in the coming year! I look forward to seeing just exactly what He has in mind for me next! All my jobs have been a bit random and have had little to do with my degree ( that money was NOT wasted however! hehehe!), but each one has had important life experiences and beautiful people involved. The question is, what is behind door number FOUR?!

People shaped holes.

This weekend I was suppose to go to a wedding....Instead, I ended up going to a funeral. Odd change of plans, don't you think? But, isn't that just the way life works? It can be so terribly unpredictable that I think most of us don't think about all the things that could happen to us in a given day, or we'd all go insane ( or at least that's my guess...).

However, this afternoon when I was saying goodbye to one of the most remarkable ladies I've had the privilege of knowing... I say this because I knew her only towards the middle/ end of her life and those years were so full of generosity and kindness and a general sweetness of spirit, that is often lacking late in life. So, here I am in the relative "morning" years of my own life and I can only pray that I might finish my race as strong as she did. Anyway saying my goodbyes to this wonderful woman, Helen Kinnaird, got me thinking....
She truly was someone to aspire to, and more than that she's no longer on this earth. And I really do feel some sort of hole has been left behind in her place. She has also left behind a standard of what a gracious woman of God should look like, and in her absence I think we are called to step up. Now, of course, this seems personal-as in only a call to those who knew this lovely lady...but I promise that it's even bigger than that!

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.

Never before had I thought of all the large holes that the "cloud of witnesses" have left behind as they have left this world in such a personal way! But it is personal! Imagine a wonderful prayer warrior fighting away in their prayer closet for hours at a time, days on end, imagine how many lives they have interceded for over the years! And, then imagine that this person passes away....WHO is praying for those on that person's list?! Who is witnessing to the lost? Who is loving the loveless? Who is binding up the wounded hearts, when those who have lived and then died for the world around them pass on?

I suppose what I'm saying, is that instead of looking to the saints that walk before me in my life now as well as those who have already gone before me into the next as just "inspiring people"...I should instead take it to task that the holes they leave behind must be filled!
Where are tomorrow's Hudson Taylors, Charles Spurgeons, D.L. Moodys....where are the new Amy Carmichaels...or even just tomorrow's Helen Kinnairds? That cloud of witnesses is not just there to speak of all that the Lord has done in their day, but to remind me what He can do through me in my day....

Today that cloud of witnesses got a little bigger, it has one more shining face to cheer the rest of us on, and onward we should go! In so many ways I need to grow in order to be one day called "kind" or "gracious" or "patient", but there is a hole and for now I am called to fill it....are you?

People Priorities.

Its been a rough two days. Yesterday was spent with this odd sensation that something was wrong-mainly that Brett was gone....who knows why some days are harder than others but that seems to be the case....And then today, today Mrs. Kinnaird passed away...
Now, for those of you who don't know the run down of my "family", basically Steve and Billie are my parents best friends since college and my second set of parents and Mr. and Mrs. Kinnaird are Steve's parents and I consequently I have known them my whole life. And today "Mr. Kinnaird" ( yes, I call them this...it seems to be formal, but some how its not...) said goodbye to his wife.
And I accidently typed "life" and I think that might have been closer to the truth.

I think it is truly a beautiful thing to have been married for 50 years and still delight in someone so very much. I am thankful that the Lord gives us gifts like that. A husband or a wife. Or even just a friend. And that while we are on this earth, we are given such relationships. We are in fact, told in scripture just how important those around us really are and we are given perfect directions on how to keep such relationships where they should be, priority:

"Be devoted to one another in brotherly love, give preference to one another in honor, not lagging behind in diligence, fervent in spirit, serving the Lord, rejoicing in hope, persevering in tribulation, devoted to prayer, contributing to the needs of the saints, practicing hospitality." ~Romans 12:9-13

I love how the "serving the Lord" part is so mixed in with all those interpersonal relationship commandments. I love how we are to be devoted to prayer, contributing to the needs of the saints and how even those two are very much connected ( who are you praying for these days?) and how we are to give preference to one another....but above all, I have come to learn that I can do very little of any of the above things without first going to Christ. I know that the marriage of Mr. and Mrs. Kinnaird was firmly grounded in Him first and foremost and that above all else is where those 50 years of love and respect came from...
During this so called "giving" season I wonder if I'm really doing these things like I really should, if I'm giving of myself to others even in the smallest of ways, am I doing it in my own strength, or is that Strength coming from above?

I'm pretty sure I could spend the rest of my days focused on those five verses in Romans and still have more to learn. Today is a good day to start....

Feminist wiles.

I'm a really spoiled person. This is made self-evident on a daily basis on this blog, so I won't go into it too much now. But one of the most delightful ways that I've been spoiled is by having a really wonderful husband who, through the following every day actions has made me miss him even more than is humanly possible (I've moved on to super-human missing powers now). I have also realized that through all of the spoiling I have become far less of an "independent" woman than I was back in the day....

A list of things I miss:

1. Having car doors opened for me.-Who knew that I liked this so much? In fact, sometimes I thought it annoyed me because it slowed down the process of us getting somewhere...but no, turns out, I liked it.

2. Putting my cold, cold feet on a warm, warm body. This is especially important this time of year. *sigh*

3. Hand massages. Feet massages. I hate to brag, but I pretty much had one a day ( if not more). Yes, Brett is a saint.

4. Dishes got magically washed. Brett washed dishes. He said this was because I cooked the meals, but lets not lie....he also worked like twenty hours a DAY so...Really, I should have washed the dishes....

5. He ate Little Caesars Pizza with me. And he liked it. Today I was totally craving a LC, but I had no one to eat it with, and lets not lie...if I'd gotten one the chances of me eating the ENTIRE thing alone were high. So, in the end, no Pizza for Abigail.

6. Hand-holding. I'm a fan.

7. Having doors opened for me. Honestly, I don't think I lifted anything heavier than a remote control in the whole year we were married....even when we moved I hardly lifted a finger. This became strikingly clear when I had to lift all KINDS of heavy items when moving all my things from Kansas to Washington all by myself. I have become a weakling.

So, kids....its been over a month since Brett left. That leaves us with around 11 more such months to go. Hopefully, somewhere around month two I'll gain back my independence ( since I'm gonna seriously need it when I go back to Washington!), but I really don't think I'm going to get over my strong desire of seeing that slow quiet smile sneak across Brett's face when you talk to him. Yeah. I miss that more than the foot massages and the pizza. ( shocking I know).

A little Cheer

So, I spent a goodly portion of the day with my mother-in-law decorating for Christmas. I actually really love decorating trees for Christmas and nativity scenes, candles and twinkle lights....they are all pretty much the greatest, so what's not to love? But, it was extra special getting to spend some quality time with Mary and to be productive in a small way....lately I've been thinking about how I haven't held down a 'real' job in going on six months and how when that happens to a person you really have to evaluate your life in a new way. Instead of counting your job as your way of "contributing" to the world around you and then going home to veg on your couch, I've had to be more creative, I've had to think harder about ways in which I can "benefit" society....Not to say I was a total blob when I had a job, but not having one has taught me a lot about patience and being obedient ( to God's will for my life) and relying on God for my self-worth. It's been an interesting journey! And my two dear friends who are currently jobless and feeling blue: Girls, I'm praying for you! It's rough but good will come from it! Promise!
Wait, so what were we talking about?
Ah yes, decorating for Christmas.
Good times, and I had fun hanging out with my cute four-year-old nephew too. He's great about playing by himself, so listening to him blabble on and on to himself is adorable! We also made marshmallow monsters together out of marshmallow, toothpicks and raisins , so all in all I'm hoping I can get into his good graces by the time I leave again in January! I really wish I could be a more hands on aunt to all my nephews and niece-but being a far away Aunt is not as cool. :-(

In other news, Christmas shopping and another wedding to prepare for this weekend! Life is a whirlwind, when would I have time for a job?!? ;-)

Forward.

So, I had quite the weekend. It was stock full of crazy stories....like how my sister and I got swindled and had $100 taken from us. Or how I got stuck behind a million jingle-bell runners and almost missed a wedding, or how I went down a one way street the wrong way ( Aunty D would understand...hehehe!), or how we stayed in a "fancy hotel" that had terrible service and loud rooms....but, I'm going to just blow over those minor details and get to the good stuff....

Brett's dear friend Denny got married to his adorable wife Laura ( who looked gorgeous beyond belief)...and I got to witness it and soak in all of Brett's sweet friends from his college days. All of whom were terribly gracious and made me feel right at home.

Annnnd, I came home to the exciting news that one of my greatest friends in all the world has started....a blog.

So, in honor of said event I got the idea that, just like books have forwards written by friends and colleagues, I think that blogs need the same thing ( its one of the greatest oversights of the blogging world) so, without being asked I'm going to go ahead and write a forward to "Keeping the End in Mind", a new blog for a new beginning.

"I meet the author when she was just a name and a little black and white school picture in my roster of students in my care as a House Tutor ( resident assistant). I remember thinking that she sounded just like a heroine out of a great children's book ( her name is seriously perfect for a book!) and I was delighted to find that upon meeting her she was most definitely "bookish"....and we would soon become acquaintances that bonded over reading Jane Austen and the tendency to fall both down and UP stairs. As the years went by our relationship changed, she became a Christian AND a fellow house tutor and we had even more in common but just when our friendship was beginning to take root a big change was happening in my life. I left New Zealand.
All of a sudden all of my friendships were forced into the Long Distance category. So, many friendships faded and many found a happy middle ground where we kept in touch and always knew that when we saw each other face to face things would "still be the same", a few stayed strong as my very best friends, but only one can I honestly say blossomed through new found separation... Here was a friendship that did not fade. A friendship that did not settle in. This was a friendship that, against all odds, grew. Remarkably enough our friendship has grown through the written word and almost entirely the written word. Since 2004 I think we've talked on the phone a hand full of times and seen each other face to face twice. Yet, through hundreds and hundreds of beautiful letters-mostly in response to my own blog posts- I saw one of the most beautiful people I've ever had the privilege of knowing. Even though I had been a Christian for many years, reading her tales of discovering the Scriptures for the first time gave me chills. She would see beauty in the smallest details of life and could fine Analogies for Christ in the most every day circumstances that would give me a new perspective on the very life I lived. Her emails were no less than drops of Life.
In my Bible I have two letters from her that I'd printed out and re-read many times. I've quoted her on this blog more than anyone else. So, one could say she did, in fact, turn out to be a Heroine in a book, gifted in the written word-she has changed my life, and I am delighted that she'll now be writing in a more public forum so that you may all share in the next Chapter of her life when, she too, will leave New Zealand.
I have a feeling life will never be the same....

My husband's friends.

When you get married, there is this weird moment when all of a sudden you inherit each others friends and family.... and you wonder,

"Will they like me?! Will they secretly wonder what Brett is doing with me? Will they wish things were back the way they were before I was around or will they accept me and look to a future of fun with ALL of us together?!"

And for the most part my fears haven't been realized ( minus one or two people who I'm still working on, but don't you worry...I will not give up that easily! You WILL like me! YOU WILL! )...and in fact, along the way I've found some of my favorite people amongst Brett's friends and family ( which seems only right, since Brett, himself, is so great...). Yet, when your husband goes off to war, there is a small part of you that wonders, "How will the dynamics between us change?"
And, I gotta say, one of the most interesting things has been seeing how Brett's friends have dealt with his being gone. I think the most touching of all the responses to Brett's departure have been those who are bent upon "filling his role" while he's away.... things like opening doors for me, wanting to know about my safety, and pleading with me to "move into an apartment before they go to Ranger school so they can help me move." ( how many people do YOU know who plead to help you move?), and all going out of their way to make sure that my life is as smooth as possible.
Anyway, I found this incredibly sweet and endearing that not only would these guys be so gracious towards me, but I think its also a pretty cool testimony of what a great husband Brett is, how else would these guys know that these would be things that would be missing from my life while he was away? That they would love Brett enough to be so considerate of me even though he's not around, is also very touching. I definitely think its been a very nice way for them all to honor Brett, and I must admit that from my perspective, I am so grateful...I know for a fact that my life has been easier this last month knowing that I don't have to do everything myself, even though my hubby is gone! ;-)

I think the other great testimony to Brett is just how comfortable many of his friends have made me feel, even though I've known them a pretty short amount of time! I have to admit that I'm actually excited about going to a wedding this weekend for Brett's college friend's Denny and Laura. I feel like I know these people!! And I can't wait to see them, and even though I could say that I'm going to quiz them on how they are doing because I'm going to pass it on to Brett ( which I will) ...I actually honestly enjoy these people and care about them! When I first met Brett's group of friends back when we were first engaged it was one of those defining moments in our relationship when it was once again affirmed in my mind that we were perfect for each other, I felt like if at that moment we could somehow meld my college friends and his college friend together they would have all gotten along. Ahhhh, in a perfect world....hehehe! Anyway, all that to say...I miss Brett. And I know his friends and family do as well, luckily we all have each other to celebrate all his great qualities and talk about our memories with him together and most of all anticipate him coming back to us all safe and sound next year!

Early New Years Resolution

After a few key pictures taken over the past holiday, I have made a life changing observation....I open my mouth too much in pictures.
Its true.

You all know it, don't even deny it.

Anyway, I've decided for my New Years Resolution, I'm going to refrain from posing for pictures with my mouth open ( this does not include spontaneous pictures with my mouth open-which also happens a lot-I feel like that's asking too much. )

I know its going to be hard, since after trying hard to break my habit of "tilt head, smile" thing that I did all through high school and college...I went right on into this new annoying habit of "mouth open shot".....you'll notice I even did it at my wedding for heaven's sake!

Anyway, in memory of my many many moments with my mouth agape....I've put together a little slide show of me with my mouth open for you to all enjoy and make fun of.

*ahem*

Sorry about yesterday and my disgruntled post....its really weird how over the top I can get about little things-well, not little things...mostly just things that have to do with my communication with Brett. There is so little I feel I can do for him that I get really OVER THE TOP about the little that I can. ahhhhh weelllll....I always said this blog would show you the whole picture of me...that includes the mini-tiads.

So, yesterday I was really productive in the end, even with all the annoying people getting in my way, and I ended the day with a freezing cold three mile run with my sister ( honestly, my legs turned into bright red icicles, followed by with dinner and hot tea with Christa and then Messiah rehearsals, followed by a mini-reunion with my Bible Study girls from back in 2004-2006 ( all of us are doing the Messiah together! such fun!) which was interrupted by a much anticipated phone call from Brett ( see more about him at the bottom of this email)....then I went home and watched Hors de prix ( Priceless), a fantastic little French movie...Honestly, go watch this! Audrey Tautou is still beyond adorable to watch....all in all, good ending to a day. :-)

Brett news: He is back from their time out evaluating a A-stan army brigade. Brett was the humvee driver for most of the trip so he didn't get to 'get out and do much' for much of the trip, but he said he felt like it was a good experience for his team to see what they're going to be up against once the team they're replacing leaves....he also said he was going to try to go to a Bible Study this evening ( its probably over with by now!) and so I'm looking forward to hearing how that went! Its weird, but after talking to him I always forget almost everything he says...I am just SO EXCITED to be talking to him during the conversation that I'm not taking notes like I should ;-) Hopefully this is something I will get better at as time goes on....

In other news: I booked by tickets back to Washington yesterday, looks like I'll be heading back Jan. 5th, which means I'll be back just in time to start up the new year of Navigator Tuesday night bible studies! To be honest, I'm nervous about going back...finding a job, a home, and trying hard to learn more about ministry....it all seems like a weighty mission! But, I'm excited and I really think we made the right decision about me going back for the rest of this year without Brett....

***This just in!!! I now know what kinda baby my friend Amy is having ( thank goodness for text messages during ultrasound appointments)!!! Now I can hardly wait to go back to Washington so I can help plan this babies new life!! Yay for living vicariously through others! :-)

Attention Holiday Shoppers:

I don't like you.
I don't like that you're making my life a lot more complicated. I don't like that you're getting in the way of me sending my husband things in the mail. I don't care about you and your christmas cards. I only care about my husband getting a letter from me. The US postal service should really have a priority line JUST for me....

I also don't like Wal Mart. What in the world are all you people buying?! And why is your cart blocking the photo machine that lets me print out pictures of Thanksgiving to send to my husband....who is in A-stan, might I add.... Get your cart out of the way, you aren't even USING the photo machine, you're looking at ugly plastic earrings in the next aisle over. Obviously, this recession that the USA is in, is not stopping you from milling around parking lots and stores and therefore making my day a lot more annoying.

Bah-humbug.

*ahem*

I have low blood sugar and I miss Brett. ;-)

totally wack yet true.

Ok, so this is a semi-embarrassing story if you're not me. But if you're me its not embarrassing at all ( because its all relative really), so here goes.

In keeping with my english literature background, I found it essential to send my husband a letter lightly scented with my perfume in A-stan ( because I roll with the romantic gestures no matter how cheesy). However, I was immediately faced with non-english literature-real-life-problems....such as, in real life perfume does not actually STICK to paper for 20 some-odd days while it travels across the globe ( or at least this is what I've heard from other army wives). But, I was like, "pppsssssh!" I will not let this stand in my way!
So I sprayed some ( 100% recyclable and yet nice) stationary with my perfume and then put it in a ziplock baggy for a week. I figure, hey, let it sink in! That'll totally work!

So, tonight, I'm all hyped up on caffeine so I figure what better time to "whip out the ol' stationary and see how its doing"....well, to answer that question its doing great. And after writing on one and a half sides of stationary my hands smell quite strongly of...and here comes the really really weird part....

Brett's cologne.

I KNOW. For whatever reason, my perfume combined with recycled paper smells like Brett's cologne. And they aren't even the same brand, or even have remotely the same blend of fragrances....its a MYSTERY!

I just hope he doesnt get my letter and think I've sprayed it with his own cologne, because, yeah...that'd be weird.

did you hear that?

That was the giant denial bubble that I was living in that told me my husband would'nt be in any danger over there in that foreign land popping.

meh.

And then I said, "thank you"

So, today was Thanksgiving. And it fit with your typical picture of gluttony since I ate two thanksgiving dinners back to back ( well, I had about an hour and a half reprieve between them)...but seriously, I didn't know my stomach could accomplish so much.

But, most of all, today was difficult. Not like, "I can't get out of bed because I'm crying too hard." difficult....but it was hard. I missed Brett terribly. I missed him with my own family and then I missed him double time at his mom's house. I miss him especially hard when I see his brother or when I think about "what we did last thanksgiving"....or when his mom serves his favorite cranberry side dish.

It didn't help that I got an email from him last night saying that he'd be out of communication till next Tuesday...I mean, I was prepared for that email since I knew he was headed out on a mission, but it just added to the theme of the day.

However, even though all those thoughts and emotions were bombarding me I didn't cry. Not even once. I didn't even tear up! I was so proud! I just kept on going! Every time a thought would pop in my head that would make me miss Brett, I'd push it right back out again!!! It was like the brain gymnastics...I was constantly having to do backflips of the mind to keep things where they needed to be.

I made it all the way until 9:30pm when I was lying in bed, watching Friends ( because, that's what I do...) and then the phone rang!

It was Brett and I got to talk to him for a whole 15 minutes! I got to hear his voice and hear how he's doing and know some of the things that are on his mind. We got to talk about Faith and we got to talk about Thanksgiving both his ( he got "thanksgiving food"...which I'm assuming is above average) and mine ( everyone missed him!!)....

and then we hung up, because Brett was borrowing a satellite phone to make the call and other guys had people to wish Happy Thanksgiving to as well...

And then I cried....I cried, but not sad tears...I cried thankful tears...thankful tears since God let me talk to Brett even when I hadn't even asked for it, He saw the very desire of my heart and tonight He gave it to me.

I miss my husband terribly, but I truly have so much to be thankful for....we have been so very lucky so far, and I know that I have things so easy! I pray tonight for the many wives who didn't get to talk to their husbands...or who have five small children who they are juggling while missing their husbands all at the same time....there are some amazing women out there who are fighting against crazy odds....my own prayers of thanksgiving are mingled with heartfelt prayers for those less fortunate.

Faaaantabulous

So today I shopped my socks off. In fact, I kept wanting to quit and go home, but I figured, "hey, what else do I have to do?!" and so I pretended like shopping was my "job" and I continued....

And so I got EVERYTHING that I wanted to get for my box to Brett....accept for a power converter. I haven't been able to find one that'll work yet. But, other than that I'm good to go. I'm so excited about some of my finds for Brett! YAY!

I even found some heels that fit ( I now wear a size 3.5 little girls...this is so so lame.) so I now have shoes to wear to the FOUR events I have coming up in the next few weeks, since I still don't have any of my clothes that are currently living in a car in Kansas. This is a load off my mind. I also bought a dress ( because, yes, I also didn't have anything to wear to said events...) and its pretty cute and didn't totally break the bank ( which was important at this point-since I just couldn't justify spending money on a dress I really didn't need once I'm back in my own closet again...)

I also bought wedding presents ( some of the said events I was talking about ;-) hehehe!) which is always fun....

so all in all it was a busy morning for this non-shopper. In other news, I wish I hadn't told my sister I'd go running this afternoon.I feel like I'm over achieving....oh wait....I'm eating two thanksgiving dinners tomorrow....nevermind.

time tested.

I turned 25 on Saturday. Not sure if you notice or not. For the first time ever I did not count down on my blog or remind you day in and day out that my birthday was coming. I would say its because I'm "more mature and grown up..." but we all know this isn't why at all...

Anyway, this monumental occasion brought me to my usual activity of "archive perusing"...the age old activity of "looking back" and taking stock ( via my handy-dandy blog).

so, tonight I looked back a few years and I delighted in the growth in some and cried out in the withering of others. Why do some Seeds seem to fall short of the good soil?! How will I ever know how to keep you away from this, my dear friends? When will I realize that that is not my job to do? When will I stop standing here with my hands out in despair wondering what went wrong? I will never ever give up, though. I really won't. I've prayed too many prayers with you, for you...
But, I'm tired. I'm tired of this happening.
And I've come to tremble at the verse, "few will enter".

fa la la la

So, as many of you know one of my favorite things of all times is Handel's Messiah...and unlike most of the western world, I do not just pull it out during the holiday season. Instead, I listen to it year around ( best at top volume) and I consider it one of the greatest pieces of worship music EVER.
I have it on good authority that the angels in heaven sound a lot like that.

Incidentally, I also found it helpful to play parts of the Messiah at top volume on Sunday mornings after a particularly rough night of dealing with annoyingly loud drunken residents when I was an RA back in the day....believe me its the perfect payback to hungover 18 year-olds.

But, I digress....last year, Brett gave me tickets to the Messiah with the Seattle Symphony for my christmas present and it was glorious! And this year I'm getting to do something a little different....I'm getting to actually sing with the community choir at the college in my hometown! How totally fabulous! Especially since last year it was pretty hard not to sing along with the professionals at the seattle symphony. ;-)

What fun!

Staying put.

It gave me a cold chill as I read it. In some ways I was reading it for the first time-even though the story of David and Bathsheba is one I'd heard ( quite literally) a thousand times...

Then it happened in the spring, at the time when kings go out to battle, that David sent Joab and his servants with him and all Israel, and they destroyed the sons of Ammon and besieged Rabbah. But David stayed at Jerusalem.


Oh SNAP! I thought....there it was the key to the whole thing ( lust, affair, murder...) right there in the first verse...a verse I'd probably grazed over to get to the "good stuff" many times.

"But David stayed at Jerusalem."

And it turns out, that verse is repeated verbatim again in 1 Chron. 20-which I just read tonight and it reminded me once again what it means to "stay in Jerusalem" when we know we shouldn't....

~~
I know lots of people think that Brett and I are crazy...he's crazy for being in the army, I'm crazy for being an army wife...but we've discussed many times how grateful we are that we have this "Force" in our lives that literally keeps us on our toes! For the most part I don't have to worry about being complacent! The army doesn't let it happen! And now, now that Brett is deployed I'm learning even MORE how danger it is to be complacent...I can't afford to not read the Word...I can't afford not to take time to pray and try and listen to God....because, honestly, if I don't I'd probably fall apart. Its a life application being lived out continually! And, to be honest, when Brett was around more it was MUCH easier to slip...to "get too busy" to do other things....and it took longer for the repercussions and the consequences to reveal themselves ( but, believe me they did!!). So, I'm actually grateful, in a way, for this time in which I'm *up to here* already and therefore I can see my great need a lot quicker!

Anyway, back to the staying in Jerusalem business....so yes, the army does in a way go ahead and do the hard part for us, we don't have to look for ways to get stretched and taken out of our comfort zones or step out in faith-its pretty much handed to us on a silver platter!
BUT, I think I forgot about the day to day decisions of whether or not I'll "stay in Jerusalem" or not...
Here was David all lordly and successful. In fact, things were going sooo well that he was 'satisfied' and in his 'satisfaction' he decided to laze around in Jerusalem while his general was out fighting his battles....and what befalls him?!
Temptation.

And what comes after that?!

All kinds of trouble!

How often do I, for whatever reason, get lazy and decide to stay put...to hang back....to let someone run off ahead ( and fight the good fight)....how often do I think, "Geez! I'm always at church! I'm always doing "Godly" things! It's time for a Break!"

Yes, more than I'd like to admit. So, turns out that while the Army helps us out with the Big Picture part of our lives, I'm in charge of the Details and the Day to Day.... and I've got a choice whether I'm going to stay put or not...

As for tonight, I've decided to go out and fight....

A Whirl of Gaiety

Last night I had desert with the Kinnaird and Fam at my sister's house. Today I went Holiday Shopping ( at Holiday in the Pines-a Nacogdoches "event") with my sweet mother-in-law Mary, followed by a lovely Abt Family dinner where I received my Birthday present from Brett ( which was a subscription to Vanity Fair-which I'm excited about) that my sister had helped him put together....and all in all everything was terribly above and beyond lovely.

So, why exactly do I feel teary?

I think its the whirl of gaiety. It lulls me into complacency. And complacency is that place where sudden moments of intense "homesickness" for ones spouse comes into play. Boy, do I miss Brett more than anything in the world!

But, just because all of my readers are probably gonna get tired of whiny Brett and Abigail stories here's something new ( but not off topic) to share:

So, today two women who I didn't even KNOW, after finding out that my husband was in Afghanistan totally started crying ( not hardcore crying, but enough tears to take notice). Ummm...ok. I don't know how cool I am with that! I mean, I'm not crying! Should you really cry?! Is it a good idea to one-up the wife as far as emotion goes? I mean, SURE I'm not "super emotional" especially out in public where I try to put on my Awesome Army Wife face....but still. I feel like its common knowledge that you shouldn't bring out the tears in a public place when its obvious the wife has brought her Awesome Army Wife face with her....anyway, from this brief encounter with relative strangers I've come up with a....

Little Life Lesson:
So, in the future if you meet someone who's going through something hard, and they put on a Super Awesome Face-then instead of turning on some ( very authentic) sympathy tears-offer the person some chocolate or maybe a cookie ( if you have one handy)...or just say that you're saying a prayer for them ( even better than empty calories!), but do not counteract their Brave Awesome Face with tears. Its a no-no.
The End.

Facts I realized.

I have a friend who writes just like she was a standup comedian. Honestly, that's how she writes. Awesome.
I have a friend who writes normal every day emails that sound just like a children's book. Honestly she writes like that. Fabulous.
I have a friend who writes emails about normal every day events and makes them sound interesting. Wonderful.

I'm not sure how I got so lucky, but now I realize that Brett is lucky too. My darling friends have bestowed their talents of entertainment onto him! Its almost like God KNEW we were going to get married and he gave me the perfect friends in preparation! ( or something like that...)

In other news, I'm getting my haircut tomorrow and its gonna be drastic. As long as it grows out by the time Brett gets back we'll be fine! hehehe

Postal Service for Dummies

So, Brett finally has an address in which we can reach him in A-stan...and if you haven't already received an email with the new address, comment and I'll get it to you as soon as possible!

And since we've now got a solid address ( at least for now! hahaha!), I'll go forward with a helpful question that I got over the weekend of suggestions of nice things to send Brett:

Postage for letters is the same as it would be to send any letter within the US, and you can buy the set-rate boxes for $10.95 ( that's total shipping! That's awesome!) -sadly I don't know what its like in NZ...it might be a bit different...

First of all, letters:
I think more than anything you could send Brett...letters would be at the top of his list. In fact, I don't just think, I KNOW! Because I asked him and that's what he asked for! So, write the boy a letter. And if you're not the letter writing type let me give you a few suggestions:
-tell Brett about your day...including what you ate for dinner ( this is a question my father always asks and its a funny one and always gets "the party started" conversation wise. ;-)
-tell him about movies you've seen, books you've read, friends you've met, what you've gotten in your quiet time recently ( this is one of my favorite things to email people!), and all about sermons or lectures you've heard recently. ( hey! By the end of this deployment Brett's going to be smarter than all the rest of us with all this shared knowledge!)
-Send pictures. Pictures are ALWAYS a good idea...if you've got kids send pictures of them, if you've got pets, send pictures of them...if you have neither than take a nice self portrait of you brushing your teeth in the bathroom mirror and send that....I'm sure you get the picture that pictures are a good idea ;-) ( *ahem*)

Packages:
From what I've been told if you'd like a package to get to Brett before Christmas than the deadline in Dec. 4th. Although, please do not let this stop you, because Brett's birthday is Jan. 26th ( its his GOLDEN birthday! He's turning 26!!!!!!) and so even if a package is late it'll be nice to make January a fun month for him too!
As far as what to put in a package here are some suggestions...hopefully I'll be able to add more to this list soon, once I know what his new surrounds are like and things he might need...but for now we'll just stick with the fun stuff!
-Magazines, Newspapers ( clippings of an article you thought was extra good...that kinda thing).
-Books ( Brett is a sucker for a good book...especially in the Sci-Fi/Fantasy department...but he's really not picky!) to make it even more fun, send him something that you've read that YOU'VE really liked! I know Brett will enjoy getting to know you better through your choices!
-Candy, Brett is not super picky on his favorites...but he DOES like M&Ms ( peanut are his favorite but peanut butter are yummy too...hey! they're all good!). But, once again-stick with you're own favorites and he'll enjoy it I'm sure!
-Cookies. You can send store-bought or homemade cookies-but make sure they are wrapped securely and bare in mind that the softer the cookie the more likely it will arrive in a large pile of crumbs!
-Sunscreen, lip balm, lotion, baby wipes...all of these things are nice extras that I know he will need in the next year so they will probably never go wrong!
-DVDs and AT&T international phone cards are both things that are kinda expensive but if you feel like you'd like to send something like that, well, that'd be fabulous! Of course, I'm always finding DVDs on sale for $5 these days so if you see something you think Brett might like ( or even just laugh at!) those are also a plus...I know the guys over there do a TON of movie watching, so SOMEONE will enjoy it!
*In fact, with all of these items its nice to know that even if Brett is not in need of something or its candy or food that he doesn't like...there are a bunch of other guys that he can share with, nice to know that these boxes can NEVER go wrong!! :-)
-Coffee....really, I hate to say this, but this request is mostly just for people in Nacogdoches. Brett is an avid fan of Java Jacks coffee....so any dark roast, full bean ( not grounded) coffee will always be accepted with delight hehehe...in fact, I'm going to be sending him a french press and a grinder in the mail as soon as I can! That boy does love his coffee!
-Last of all, be creative! Art work you're kids made, decorations for his room... From what I can tell, the sky is the limit of what you can send, but make sure its something that if, in the off chance, that it got lost you wouldnt be totally devastated...
Also, I've been told its best to be as "vague" as possible on the customs slip and just "round down" on the money cost...that always helps things get through a little easier ;-)

But, I'm just going to go ahead and repeat that most of all Brett just wants to hear from you, even if its just an email to say "Hi"....to know that you love him and are supporting him during this year means more than anything! We are already so grateful for your emails of support to him and to myself! We are terribly lucky!

Life in the fast lane.

Well, its been quite the crazy week...and its only Tuesday! Its amazing how Brett's life-while so far away-still affects my own so very much! After finding out that he was being transferred to one of the other teams going to the northern region of A-stan its been a bit of an "up in the air" kind of feeling for me. On the one hand more than ever I feel that God is putting Brett exactly where He wants him to be, and on the other hand I worry about Brett and how he's feeling about all the changes that have entered his life in the past, oooh, two weeks. He's been on quite the roller coaster! But, of course, he's handled everything so well. I can't tell you how proud I am of him, of his faith, his strength, his humility ( although sometimes I think he's too humble!), his integrity and his desire to serve those around him. I'm bursting with pride that he's my husband!

Ultimately I've had much to be grateful for:
1. I've gotten to talk to Brett twice and enjoy one long informative email that gave me all the details that I craved-mostly just how Brett was feeling....the thing I miss most about not having him around is not having the luxury of grilling him on all that enters his mind :-)

2. My lovely family..both related and not. Texas, while its no longer "home" has many of the aspects of home that I most crave-people with like heart and mind and all those oddly comforting familiar things that a town you've grown up in has to offer.

3. My birthday countdown. Oh yes, friends! This year I've been amiss! How could I forget to start the countdown on November 1st to remind you that my birthday is fast approaching!??! Obviously I thought I had "more important things" going on in my life...but now I'm seeing the error of my ways! I turn 25 on Saturday and I feel like you should all be prepared to acknowledge that fact in prose or verse. Which ever.

4. Friends. I'm now well into the first season. I watch it in the late night hours when normal people are in bed and when I need the comfort of "friends" to put me to sleep so that I don't stay up worrying....lucky for me, my sister owns all ten seasons too...this way I didnt have to bring mine from home ;-)

5. The love of Christ, which I know is helping me. I've already felt like a failure at this whole "army deployed" wife business several times and I haven't even been doing it for very long! Yet, I pray continually for the grace of God that I might do this honorably. Its harder than I thought it would be! But, He's faithful to forgive...and I have a fresh start each day!

hold the phone ( or mail)

I missed a call from Brett this morning because I turned my phone off while I was in church. Its literally the only time I EVER have my phone off...and of course, that's when he called.

Its these kind of things that make me the most upset.

However, in his message I have learned that Brett will no longer be at the COIN academy...he's not sure where he'll be now, but I think he's relatively happy about the possible change, since he was never that excited about the prospects there anyway....nevertheless, and this is the important part.

PLEASE DISREGARD the address that I posted for Brett a few days ago, it will no longer be valid and I'm just praying that he'll get the package that I've already sent ( or anything that you lovely people sent him)...I'm sure he will eventually get his mail, but for now we all have to hold off on sending him mail.

It's difficult to stay positive with the events of today, but I know that the Lord is guiding Brett's path and He will put him exactly where He wants Brett to be, and that's ultimately the most important thing about today....

love/hate

I have a love hate relationship with Washington.
I love things like the Indian food, good shopping and other oddities that I couldn't find in Kansas....
I hate the traffic.

Seriously, the traffic on I-5 is enough to drive a women insane.


But, all in all, I am happy with the decision to move back here in a few months, of course, today when Papa and I put Kansas stuff in with the rest of Brett and my belongings in storage I was struck by how TOTALLY awful its going to be moving without Brett! I mean, honestly....boys are SO useful to have around! I'm going to have to search around for those verses in the bible about taking care of the widows and show it to the navigator guys as an example of why they're going to need to fill in with some serious "boy" duties....things like lifting heavy objects and putting together furniture-not abigail tasks.

Luckily this is almost two months away....we'll revisit this subject at a later date...for now I'm going to bed-I'm heading to Texas tomorrow!

Home is where the heart is

I'm terribly homesick for Brett tonight. There is no one I'd rather talk to or cry to or get a hug from right now. I can't tell you how many times a day I want to email him!
But right now, if all went according to plan, he is leaving from K-stan for A-stan....so all my emails would/are just going to pile up in his inbox and look needed...something army wives should try not to be. So I blog... A fourteen and a half hour drive in a day makes me weepy.

OBVIOUSLY

When you've packed up all your belongs, belongings that incidentally fit into TWO cars the first time around and now must fit into ONE...and you've eyed them nervously as they sit piled up against your living room wall....the only thing to do in a situation like this is to....

go shopping.

I know.

I am not even entirely sure what made my car drive over there to the mall where they were having the, and I quote, "biggest sale ever"...and just because those three( horribly bulky) sweaters and ( large) ugg boots cost the same as what normally just one pair of boots would cost...well, STILL! I blame the fact that I've been left alone for too many days in a row.

Besides, I'm pretty sure all the stuff isnt going to fit in the car anyway, and four more items of clothing arent going to make it WORSE.

*ahem*

Annnyway, I'll get back to you tomorrow about whether or not everything fits into the car. I'm praying that tonight God would go ahead and turn the car into the car version of Mary Poppin's carpet bag. I'm also praying that God would make it NOT rain while I'm dragging all my stuff out to the car.

And these are the times you miss having boys around. Well, actually I miss Brett all the time....but this is just a bit of added missing.

So, here's the plan-for those of you who are dying to know: My darling Papa is arriving in Kansas tomorrow and he and I are going to be trekking across the country to Washington, where I will be depositing my belongings and my car and heading back to Texas for a month of partying. I've never done a long drive alone with my papa before, but I can't imagine it being anything but interesting. So I'm looking forward to telling you all about it after its all said and done.
I can't tell you how glad I will be to be in Texas. I need some much needed family/friend soaking up.

Totally Fine.

The silence is over!
I felt so much better after talking to Brett on the phone last night. But, I realized that I was actually doing quite a bit better when he called anyway...yes, I have my needy moments but God has been SO good so far in revealing Himself in this situation.

So, Brett's in some country starting with a "K" and ending in "stan" ( too lazy to look it up!) and he'll be there for a couple more days before going to Afghanistan. I think he felt a bit "stuck in the middle" when I talked to him, but God has already blessed him with some fellowship as well as closeness to Himself, and that encourages me greatly! I got online because Carmi emailed me saying Brett was online ( I check my email on my phone pretty much constantly, but I can't tell who's on chat or not) so I immediately jumped online and apparently Brett's currently writing a "mass email" to send out. I also know on good authority that he'll be blogging again soon, so I'll let you know more about that when it happens...BUT, if you'd like to be on his mass email list and you don't think Brett has your email address feel free to contact me ( or Brett if you have his email address) and we'll get on that! I know we both appreciate all the prayers that have been lifted up on his behalf over the past few days...they are definitely being felt!

Today, I went to a church down the road from where I am living, Faith Baptist Church. Brett and I had both noticed it during frequent drives between home and Fort Riley because its one of the few church signs that actually puts up Bible verses! I can't tell you how wonderful I think this is!!! I mean, you have this free "advertising" why WOULDN'T you take advantage of that and put up the actual Word of God?! Something that has actual Power? Anyway, this particular church has two verses up every week and I had been blessed by it so I decided to attend. It was a very tiny church, but everyone was very friendly and the word of God was preached, and I was able to thank them for their great sign! All in all a nice Sunday morning.
I spent the day packing and watching bad reality TV. I don't have too much packing left to do, so hopefully I can spend most of tomorrow cleaning and making the place sparkle for my housemate. Its the LEAST I can do for her since she blessed Brett and I both soooo much for giving us such a lovely place to live the past few months!

Friends

Thank goodness for Friends! I somehow made it to 5pm today because of them....I'm sure none of you really know how important it is to me to talk to you these days.. whether its a text message, phonecall or facebook message....they're getting me through one at a time.
Especially since I still havent gotten the one email/phonecall that I'd REALLY like....

Of course, the other Friends helped too...disc one of season one. Luckily I own all ten seasons. ;-) That's a good forty days of self-medication right there! :-P

one day?

So I'm lame. I'm totally over this being "fine" Business. It's been less than two days and all I want in all the world is for Brett to call me. I don't even know where in the world he IS!! How do people do this?! I have a headache and I really really don't want to pack ( which is what I told myself to do today ). I need help

The rainbow

I came across this hymn today in my time with the Lord, and this particular verse describes Brett's leaving yesterday so well...
O joy that seekest me through pain,
I cannot close my heart to Thee,
I trace the rainbow through the rain,
And feel the promise is not in vain,
That morn shall tearless be....
- George Matheson

When the day is done

Well, we did it. Brett left, and I let him go. In fact, here it is 7pm and I have yet to cry. I just feel a giant hole in my chest, or maybe pressure on my heart....either way this definitely hurts! But, that's really no surprise is it? What is worth mentioning is that I woke up with the praise song "I am Free" ( which if you haven't heard the live recording of this... You need to- I get goosebumps every time! Anyway, that's how I started the day,oddly enough, and praise definitely was the theme from then on... I can only be grateful for how smoothly the past week has gone- and even today and yesterday which were most definitely the hardest, I can still say they were filled with beautiful memories with Brett...and on the drive home after saying goodbye...all I could do was praise God for His provisions.
I am heartbroken, but at the same time I am assured that the Lord who made me free from sin also holds the hearts of my marriage.Brett's path is already paved...and so is mine. Today we took the first steps onto a new, granted very bumpy, road!

lack of balance

Well, good morning folks!

This morning I woke up to the knowledge that this would be Brett's last day with me. ( or so they say) before he leaves for a year of duty in Afghanistan.

Let's just say that my earlier "good" morning was a bit of a stretch. ;-)

However, since Brett is at work today doing all his last minute preparations (or whatever they do there). I took this opportunity to send a card to my cousin Emily and her family...she is still in critical condition and my heart cries out for her constantly. Anyway, I was looking through Amy Carmichael's Mountain Breezes, to find some encouraging words to send to them and ended up being buoyed myself.
Words of Truth never fail to bring us back to the REAL balance of life!
You cannot afford to miss a day with your King.

I also found facebook annoying today...everyone all riled up over politics. Stop whining and go read Psalms 27.

don't forget!!

Don't forget my blog!!!!
I've always been afraid that if I stopped blogging for too long that everyone would stop reading it, and that's pretty much on par with having people not listen to your awesome stories while at a party. or something else equally bad.

Anyway, lately I've not wanted to take the time to blog because I have this intense feeling of needing to BE in every single moment. a.k.a. I wanted to make sure I spent as much time with Brett as possible. Thus the no blog posts.

But currently Brett is uploading songs to his ipod ( which takes years if you have a lot of music-which we do.) so I'm taking this time to update you on our lives in the past few days....

Things we've done to make us happy before Brett leaves for the Middle East:

1. We've gained weight. I'm not exactly sure how much, but I'm doubting the giant and terrible-for-you meals we've been eating haven't been without consequence. But, we've gained weight at places like: Chipotle, Cracker Barrel, Cheesecake Factory, Chili's....WHOA. I had no idea how they all started with "C" but that is AWESOME!

2. We've watched happy movies and TV shows...mostly "Pushing Daisies: Season One" ( which totally reminds me of the movie Big Fish, in that it looks just like a fairy tale should..)oh, and we've watched lots of kid movies such as Cars and Toy Story 2 and Kung Fu Panda ( which we saw in a hotel room, and we were extra excited about since it doesnt come out on DVD till after Brett leaves and he was sad...)

3. We've read books. And bought books. Two of our favorite things, I don't think Brett and I will ever stop enjoying these two activities.

4. We played hangman. ( man, iphones are great...)

5. We went to a lake/dam. We took dam pictures and had a fun filled dam day.

6. We took care of important, last minute tasks that needed to be done before Brett leaves, and I'm proud to say that we've, so far, been able to leave the "stressed out" feeling at the door...this has been a major answer to prayer for me!!!

7. We went for a random drive and looked at people's houses...and wondered what they did.

8. We talked about the future. And then laughed.

9. Brett bet me that a table of girls at a restaurant would know the name of the car from Knight Rider. He lost.

10. I bet Brett that any random person that we called on the phone would know who Emily Post was. I lost.

11. We've talked our dreams and about God. They kinda go hand in hand.

12. We've talked about books we've read, and books we'd like to write.

13. We've slept in.

14. We've stayed up late.

15. We've been thankful for every second.

Prayer Request.

Please pray for my cousin Emily who is currently fighting for her life soon after giving birth to her fifth child ( Sarah is doing well as far as I know). This family is dear, and with five children under the age of seven...Honestly, I am without words....but my prayers are coming out loud and strong. PLEASE pray for Emily and her family...
If you would like to know more and up to date prayer requests...I just found this website ( oh, the power of the internet!) put up on behalf of Emily.

ten fingers!!!

Awww, this is going to be grand! For the first time in ten days, I'm blogging on a full fledged computer key board! And while the iphone was able to keep you all apprise while I was away, and for that I am very grateful...nothing replaces typing with all your fingers as opposed to ONE.

Now, I'm back to rapid fire writing. And I'm back in Kansas. Kansas is sunny and its beautiful ( because Fall is the best time of year anywhere!!!), and I'm going to just go ahead and be grateful that I'll most likely be spending the better part of the next two months in Texas, since, while Washington turned on the pretty weather while I was there...I was not fooled. It was cold and it got dark at ungodly hours...and I will definitely be happy to only have to experience six months of winter and rain instead of eight. hehehe.

And speaking of cold...I've made a decision about Brett leaving. I need a hot water bottle. I was thinking a long the lines of how I'd lived in a cold places before without a husband to put my icey feet on ( seriously, he's a saint)...and so SURELY I could do it again, right?! So, I thought back to those days of singledom and snow...and I remembered just WHAT had kept my toes roasty...HOT WATER BOTTLES!!! Of course, I then had to think about all the times I had huddled up with my "hottie" and a cup of tea ( and the layers of fat I put on as well...gee, I hope I don't do that again!) and how I'd gotten through quite a lot of cold that way! So, it went on my list of things I needed to try and find ( while you can find a hot water bottle just about anywhere-with cute covers to boot-in New Zealand, they are near impossible to find here in the states where people just turn their heaters up ( recession anyone?!)...
AND THEN...just to make me even MORE in need of a hot water bottle, I was reading "Eat, Pray, Love" on the plane yesterday and the author mentioned that when she went to live on her own for the very first time, her sister gave her a hot water bottle as a house warming gift!! THERE! Its settled! A hottie is the answer to all my current woes about my husband leaving.


Of course, we all know that's not true...but that is how my mind works. After the inevitable tears-I swing back into denial-tearless mode and I start to 'fix' things. I'm already obsessing over packing everything up here in Kansas, and how the cars are going to get away from Kansas, where I'm going to get a job and live in Washington when I eventually move there, and of course, what sort of weird diet can I go on to lower my cholesterol. Anyway, I realize this might be hard for Brett to be around once he gets back from California. So I'm going to try very very hard not to be all weird and obsess-y about weird things. The goal is to try to somehow enjoy our last few days together, try to not think about what's coming...but at the same time to think about it enough to prepare for it, and to think about it enough to fully enjoy each other and not take anything for granted....is that even POSSIBLE?!?

I'm not entirely sure I'm mentally mature enough for this.

But, who cares...I cannot wait till Brett gets back in town this evening. I cannot WAIT.

Meaning

not exactly sure when I blogged last but it's safe to say it was pitiful. Of course, I was pitiful, so it all makes sense... The past few days have lasted an eternity and I've felt a little like I was drowning. And while we're not out of the stormy waters yet I've had my moments where I come up for air.
Like last night when I went to Bible study and while it was amazing just HOW many people I didn't know, I WAS reminded just WHY Brett and I made the decision for me to move back here. I am passionate about womens ministry. After of a week of loneliness,sadness, ackwardness, and weirdness it was as if faded to the background, I almost felt physically hungry to get back into learning about teaching and loving on people. I saw some needs and girls that I missed and new girls that I thought were great and I could hardly wait to get back here to get involved....
Of course, all the details are not clear- such as the minor details of where to live and where to work* but those are minor details. I know that this Love is no accident and while I am truly humbled that I have TONS to learn, I feel once again that this is the place I should be to start learning.

* today I went to a lame-o interview at State Farm. It was lame because it was just was just a preliminary interview with some HR chick and also because the job I thought I was applying for was closed to interviews on Friday. Also I felt bumbly and stupid. I hate job interviews, because even though I was not even that attached to the job- Its still like a bad date, YOU want to be the hot, desirable one who breaks it off. Blah. But no harm done, back to my original plan of not worrying about this until I actually move back.

And I am, I am moving back. It goes against all reasoning to come back to this cold, dark state for a year without a husband to put my ice feet on, but I'm sure of this- more sure than all the other stuff... Which doesn't say much, but it does say a little. And a little will keep me from drowning.